Last week on the Housewives of New York City, the ladies celebrated Ramona's 17th wedding anniversary with a Caribbean bachelorette party. Ramona drank her weight in pinot grigio, Kelly walked into a glass door and Bethenny cursed everyone's stupidity. It was a fun little trip that Bravo did not want to end, so they stuck the wives on an island and let them battle it out Lord of the Flies style -- well, Lord of the Flies-style plus Botox, a fully-staffed mansion and designer bikinis -- in last night's episode "Sun, Sand and Psychosis." And poor Kelly was the first to crack. Relive the craziness after the jump.
Breakfast Battle
While enjoying a light meal after their Hooters yachtscapade, tensions heightened when Kelly told Bethenny that she is not a licensed chef.
· "She doesn't work in a restaurant and she's not an executive chef. I mean just because you're catering people's parties does not a chef make." Yes, "does not a chef make," is what she said, signaling that the most Amazonian of the ladies was starting to crack.
· [to Bethenny] "You're in a horror film, I'm in Disneyland."
· After Bethenny said, "No one knows what you're saying," Kelly responded, "Okay, satchels of gold, to everyone's confusion.
Kelly's Batsh*t Crazy Meter: 3
Gift Bag Gaffe
Kelly took offense with a monogrammed beach tote that Bethenny extended as an olive branch and called Jill to vent accordingly. Jill later confessed that Kelly was making no sense on the phone and could not put a full thought together.
· "It was so impersonal and it rubbed me the wrong way."
· "I'm alone, on scary island, with no friends."
· "I've had nightmares for the last week about [Bethenny] stabbing me.
· "I'm sorry, I don't have double-D fake tits in my face. No, I'm not all that."
Kelly's Batsh*t Crazy Meter: 4
Phone Call Frenzy
Even though Kelly had 11,000 square feet of mansion to make a speakerphone call to her daughter, she chose to do so right in front of the other ladies. When Ramona suggested she take the call in the other room, Kelly snapped.
· [to Ramona, whose 17th wedding anniversary the ladies were celebrating] "Seriously, this isn't about you."
· "When it's about your children, it's my life not your life."
· "When I'm talking to my child, don't even come near me because I will claw your eyes out."
Kelly's Batsh*t Crazy Meter: 6
Dinner Drama
Kelly unraveled so much during dinner that Ramona resorted to shouting "time out!" at her while the rest of the table tried to counsel.
· "Listen, I have an 18th-century chandelier on a pulley. I just have very eclectic tastes."
· [to Bethenny and Ramona] "Are you guys going to have a moment? Are you going to make out with the tongue?"
· "Oh my God. This is free to be, you to me, 1979."
· "I threw up the night before I came because I kept thinking about Bethenny trying to kill me. Because she has tried to kill me so many times before."
· "In this black eye makeup and white face... [Alex] was like channeling, like, I don't know, a vampire,
· [In response to Bethenny's Jack Nicholson] "Oh my god. It's Al Sharpton! Al Sharpton! Put your hair up. Al Sharpton!"
· "OK, I'm crazy."
Kelly's Batsh*t Crazy Meter: 10
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