Claire Dunphy's got work ahead of her on tonight's Modern Family finale. Can she pull off the ultimate act of familial cooperation without breaking Phil's precious iPad over his Butch Patrick haircut? And will she tackle Gloria to the ground if Crystal Bowersox goes home ahead of Casey James or Lee DeWyze on tonight's American Idol? Sanity has plenty of opportunities to break free from its toddler leash this evening.
Modern Family [ABC, 9 PM]
Claire meets her match when she tries to arrange a family portrait for her entire extended family. Cameron becomes a wedding singer, and I'm sure that won't amount to any lounge lizard moments. Savor while you can, because this finale is the last Modern Family ep for months.
American Idol [Fox, 9 PM]
The Top 3 (Crystal "Should Win" Bowersox, Lee "Will Win, God Knows Why" DeWyze, and Casey "Saw Winning Once at a Derby in Lubbock" James) find out who's getting sent home. The boards all predict Casey, but I have sick thoughts about Crystal Bowersox. Dread! Don't worry, the performance by Justin Bieber will help soften the blow either way.
The Challenge: Fresh Meat [MTV, 10 PM]
The only reason I'm tallying this among the 'What's On' features is to bring you the following news: Ev confronts Wes. Now, Wes is a 250-pound humanoid with TNT for feelings and a hardened tofu cube for a head. Any "confrontation" should lead to some version of a meltdown commonly associated with radioactivity and scores of victimized children. I'm making nachos.
Hustle & Flow [MTV2, 8 PM]
Terrence Howard's story about a pimp who becomes a hip-hop emcee strikes a chord deep within many of us -- including me, except it's a disturbing chord. The song's theme "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," which famously won Three 6 Mafia the Oscar for Best Original Song, beat out Dolly Parton's phenomenal anthem from Transamerica, "Travelin' Thru." So if you watch this tonight, please be aware that you're validating an award that sent my household into a bleak stretch of silence. And by "household," I mean "bustling autistic innerworld."