Per usual, last night's episode of The Hills, "This is Goodbye," started with a brief recap of the previous week's installment before narrator Kristin Cavallari teased, "But no one could have predicted what was about to happen next." The thing is, Kristin, everyone could have predicted what happened in last night's episode: Spencer descended even further into madness, someone enjoyed a catty patio lunch, Heidi's zombie-like gaze worried her friends, someone cried, and Kristin continued to flirt with Brody. What they could not predict though was that there was one moment so real, that viewers forgot for a split second that they were watching the most canned reality show in MTV history.
TRUE: Stephanie Has Her Own Spray Tan Machine
Last night, the Hills castmates filed into a dimly lit Los Angeles club and tried their best to give the impression that they didn't hate each other. The director's instructions were, "Pretend like you haven't all been sitting in hair and make-up together for the past two hours and you're just meeting up now. Whatever. Just mingle. We'll get the drama in the next shot."
"Wait!" exclaimed Stephanie, confused as usual. "What is my motivation in this scene?"
The director rolled his eyes, exasperated. "We've been through this before. 'Hey,' 'How are you,' and 'What's up' are all acceptable greetings. But try to stagger your lines so that you aren't all talking over each other."
After Stephanie ruined four takes by looking into the camera and laughing, a producer pulled her aside to get her back in touch with her character -- in touch with herself. "What did you do today before you got to set?"
"Hmmm." The distaff Pratt thought hard. "I spray tanned."
"Great! Talk about that," said the producer.
Stephanie returned to her mark, with purpose this time.
"Action," yelled the director.
"Kristin," blurted Stephanie. "Do you want to get a spray tan? I have my own spray tan machine."
"Cut!" yelled the producer.
It was such fine work that post-production even went in after and subtitled the line just in case anyone missed it. Good work, Stephanie.
FAKE: Spencer is on the Verge of an Emotional Breakthrough
Do not be fooled by that single frame last night of Spencer looking uncharacteristically downtrodden. The cameras were not supposed to be rolling. Spencer is, in fact, crazier than ever. After all, at the same club where Stephanie delivered her People's-Teen-Choice-worthy line, Heidi's worse half spewed anger at anyone who looked in his direction.
"Hey, Spencer. Where's Heidi?" Audrina asked, as scripted.
"You are the lamest f*cking girl in this club!" exploded Spencer. "I hate that bitch." Remembering he was on camera, Spencer added, "Excuse my French."
Then, after Spencer lashed out at Brody, he exclaimed (with veins popping out of his forehead), "People don't know how f*cking dangerous I am. Like I really just had to hold myself to keep from smashing his f*cking head off."
Most producers would have stopped filming at this point and pulled Spencer off-set to talk out his rage with a counselor. Instead, the director asked Spencer if he could give them "just one more take."