Three singers. Six songs. A thousand depilated Seacrest neck hairs. Millions of "uhs" from the judges. One billion subliminal Coke mentions. For 60 minutes last night, the numbers added up to one grueling Top 3 week on American Idol. The heat was on as the remaining three vocalists sang two covers for the approval of our texting digits. So, who's going on to the finale? Is it Crystal Bowersox, Lee DeWyze, or Casey James? We've ranked all six performances from last night, and our recommendation for the Final Two is crystal er, startlingly clear.
6. Casey James, "OK, It's Alright With Me"
Let's take a moment to inspect the title of Casey's song. It sounds like the response you get from a petrified kindergartener whose school principal wrongfully pegs him for urinating on the bathroom wall and wants to take away his recess forever. (The real culprit snickers into his jean-vest and flees to a broken home.) Casey gave us an unconfident murmur too. DioGuardi took the words out of my mouth with her appraisal: It was both a new and uninteresting song to home viewers, and precisely the wrong number for Top 3 week. For the love of God, why Eric Hutchinson? I saw him live at Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show and knew he was Bore County then. Ugh! Wrong move, charming steed!
5. Casey James, "Daughters"
In conclusion, it wasn't the Dark Horse's night. Or wait -- maybe this is just his darkest, horsiest evening yet. So subtle, horse is. But now, some reality: There's no question that Casey turned in the two weakest performances of the evening, even if his underground league of voters kicks in and vaults him to the Final 2. I wouldn't count it out. His version of John Mayer's "Daughters" didn't advance upon the original, and it certainly didn't pulse with the oh-so-elusive "vulnerability" we keep hearing about. But Casey's a sensual, restrained musician, and it's a shame he didn't amp that up past a monotone mumble. I whinny for his feelings.
4. Lee DeWyze, "Simple Man"
"Simple Man" wasn't the most dynamic or ingenious song choice, so we can stop pretending Lee "Gen. Stoneface Somnambulator" DeWyze had an artistic breakthrough already. Jesus Christ, judges. GrizzLee Bore sang "Simple Man" with adequate pitch and stage presence, the very checklist of qualities affixed to his Alter Bridge poster at home. But this overwhelming brouhaha over his abilities and artistry and viability -- just what? Lee's voice sounds fine when he's getting through the words, but when he's forced to a hold a note? It just wakes the campers and forces the limber ones up a tree. He sang "Simple Man" with a touch of verve, but without sophistication.
3. Crystal Bowersox, "Come to My Window"
Now, I'm a little mad at Crystal too. "Come to My Window" is as predictable as "Me and Bobby McGee," meaning it also belonged at the beginning of the competition, not the climax. We know Crystal passion-belches the tough-chick anthems, and we already dig that about her. I want her to be Brawny Raitt, and she's being Sameylou Harris. Still, I disagreed with the judges when it came to her rating: The idea of the Melissa Etheridge cover was predictable, but the vocals still soared and kicked and cliff-dove skyward. Crystal sports spontaneity and actual dollops of rock edge. Sickening that it's overlooked just because she's consistent, or better yet, self-assured. She will always have that on Lee DeWyze and most other judge-declared "artists" on this show.
2. Lee DeWyze, "Hallelujah"
Another overrated moment. Idol buoyed this passable ode by loosing gospel singers on the proceedings and backlighting it with an archangel firing squad. Maybe the closed captioning even read "[White 'Winner' Lights Overpower Vocals.]" The first half of "Hallelujah" went well for Lee, as he enunciated Leonard Cohen's lyrics and allowed the crescendo of emotions to build organically. Grizz truly poised himself to deliver the night's elite performance. But soon we arrived at, y'know, the "sustain the notes" portion of the song, the stretch where Lee held on to trills like a huffing habit. There, his unintentional quaver sprang up again. Don't pretend you missed when the gospel choir boomed behind him while the ends of his phrases tapered into audible clunks. And that last note? Underwhelming. I also hated Simon's strange love letter about Lee's humble beginnings and coming a long way. Because Crystal performs on subway platforms and raises a kid, see, which is not strife-filled like working in a paint store in an upper-middle class suburb. Lee gave us a "B" performance with "A" theatrics. Now, onto the winner segment of the program.
1. Crystal Bowersox, "Maybe I'm Amazed"
First, a caveat: Wrong song, DeGeneres. We already had Lennon-McCartney week, so Ellen's pick already seemed boring, and you just can't get around these gender-specific lyrics. Ellen wouldn't have made Lee DeWyze sing Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me," right? Lee wouldn't want to coo about wearing t-shirts and competing with a foe in high heels, right? Anyway, the "Maybe I'm a MAN!" proclamations in "Maybe I'm Amazed" didn't hurt Crystal's credibility, but Ellen's decision-making had me scratching my temples for the full 90 seconds. But her vocal? Unpretentious. Robust. Impassioned. This is the only performance of the night that emanated intention, a notion of purpose. Because singing isn't different from acting -- you should know why you're singing every line, and you should let each word work on you. Crystal's the girl who sells us the soul and who believes in each song. I better see her next week in what could be a devastating Final 2 for all the wrong reasons.