Ever since NBC announced the Rockford Files remake, you wanted to snap, "Stop trying to make The Rockford Files happen, NBC. It's not going to happen." And now it isn't: Deadline reports that the Dermot Mulroney-toplined reboot is kaput. Even USA, a better fit for such a quirky procedural, passed on Rockford. Conventional wisdom suggests we live in a sad generation of entertainment awash with remakes, but you'd think at least one retread would've been good (or successful) enough to warrant this mimeographed mania. Truth is, the idea of a working remake may be the most contrived of all.
A list of successful TV revamps is brief, but a biggun' tops it: Battlestar Galactica. Both the '70-'80s and millennial editions are singular experiences, and the update's characters (and gut-wrenching character twists, oh) prove its producers didn't forfeit ambition for adherence. It also helps that Syfy aired it and didn't expect a mainstream audience to subscribe to an offbeat revival. Current remakes that have made it more than a season (90210 and V -- as of today) are both sterile, vaguely humorless versions of their original, with a character or two who sticks. That'd be Jessica Stroup and Morena Baccarin, respectively.
On the other hand, while certain TV-to-movie franchises have worked as remakes, movies are just an afternoon -- TV shows are a commitment. Nothing about Knight Rider, Bionic Woman, Get Smart starring Andy Dick, the WB's The Twilight Zone starring Forest Whitaker (for real), the sure-goner Melrose Place, or -- as ABC recently planned -- Charlie's Angels, is worth glimpsing past a first episode, if all we're sure we can count on is an HD picture with mechanical execution.
Moral: If you're going to do a remake, pitch to a niche. If not, you're shooting yourself in your synthetic -- nay, bionic -- foot.