If you're an MTV reality star, you can throw over-the-top birthday parties for whomever you want; why, just last night, Heidi threw an a lavish soiree for a seven-year-old of no blood relation to her! For Heidi, the fete was an excuse to crowd her home with creatures who could not judge her: an elephant, children with no understanding of plastic surgery or mental illness, and clowns. But for the rest of the world watching last night's episode, "Elephant in the Room," the birthday soiree was just another depressing glimpse into Heidi's fun house of delusions. Which moments rang truest and falsest?
FALSE: There is Only One Girl For Brody, and Her Name is Betty
Brody walked into a Hollywood garage during last night's episode and set eyes on a car, the car, that he had been dreaming about since he was "eighteen years old." (Editor's note: Brody is now 26.) It was a vintage black Dodge Charger, and it purred when Brody tested the engine. He purred back, "Who needs a girlfriend when you got this thing? I'm gonna be honest about that."
His friends, Frankie and Taylor (formerly known as "Sleazy-T") nodded in agreement.
"This is going to be my main chick," sighed Brody.
"Is she coming bowling with us tonight?" Frankie asked.
"100 percent," replied Brody, as he petted his Charger, picturing their future together: drives on the beach, quiet nights in the garage, candlelit drive-thru meals.
"Kristin's going to look real good, sitting in the passenger seat," said Taylor.
"Been there, done that, bro. Yes, I love Kristin. I think she's a very cool girl. But there's only one girl in my life now, and her name is Betty."
It seemed real, but it was actually fleeting. After the next commercial break, Brody was back to scamming on both Kristin and Audrina at a bowling alley while Betty sat alone in the parking lot outside.
TRUE: Spencer Inspires Fear in Everyone (and Everything) Around Him
If you thought that Spencer was crazy in season two, then you haven't seen him shout lewd phrases at a child's party like, "Your mother is not God! She is just a vagina!" The animals in the petting zoo cowered. Flowers wilted. Balloons deflated. Holly burst into tears. Heidi's face remained frozen, but inside she felt pain. Brody said, "Dude, chill out." And producers contemplated kicking Spencer off the show, but waited a few weeks until he threatened a producer's life.
And yes, now that he has officially been fired from The Hills, he is available for parties.