The return of Real Housewives of New Jersey should signal a rebirth in your household. You should already feel better about your friendship and parenting skills, not to mention relieved that your first ex never penned a tell-all about your cocaine and prostitution-related past. Movieline's staff exhales with you, unless you're Danielle Staub, in which case we sympathize from a distance.
Dancing with the Stars [ABC, 8 PM]
Not so fast, Glee: Dancing with the Stars also has a Madonna medley, one with perhaps a tinge more urgency. The remaining combatants will dance in a cha-cha competition to the tunes of the Material Girl and Lady Gaga -- meaning Evan Lysacek is forced to deal with another of Johnny Weir's obsessions in public.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey [Bravo, 10 PM]
Flip a table in the air like you just don't care. Season two opens as the Manzo family becomes closer after the birth of Jacqueline's child. Danielle, the "prostitution whore" of last season, tries to inch her way in with the ladies, except Caroline doesn't invite her to a fundraiser. Hopefully everyone can agree on the right way to say "bubbies" and settle their differences that way.
24 [Fox, 9 PM]
Since Jack Bauer's partner Renee Walker passed, he's determined to vindicate her death. The president also has trouble dealing with the unstable peace process. And then everyone goes to Chili's, because it's lunch time. Long day ahead, certainly.
A League of Their Own [Encore, 8 PM]
Penny Marshall's adorable film about the first women's baseball league focuses mainly on two sisters who compete with each other on the same team (Geena Davis, Lori Petty), but the real showstoppers here are Tom Hanks, Rosie O'Donnell, and Madonna, who play a domineering old-school coach and two rough-around-the-cleats players, respectively. There's no crying in baseball, indeed -- but there is crying for the home viewer when she watches the girls sing on the bus.