Last week on the Real Housewives of New York City, Ramona's eyeballs actually jumped out of their sockets Mask-style, and Jill got a contact high off of LuAnn's condescension. But the tone of last night's episode, "Stay on Message," was far more serious. A tabloid leaked Bethenny's pregnancy and she spent the rest of the episode depressed in bed and full makeup. Bobby schvitzed through a cable-access interview. Kelly wore even shorter shorts than last week. And Sonja empowered viewers by telling them they are never too old for designer knee-high boots. In short, the episode was inspiring and educational. After the jump, Movieline sifts the through Tru Renewal plugs and scam psychics to find the truest and fakest moments.
REAL: Sonja Is Getting Scammed By a Jersey 'Psychic'
Last night, new housewife Sonja taught viewers a very important lesson: You can be the ex-wife of a J.P. Morgan heir, Marty Scorsese's neighbor and kind of an idiot. Case in point: Roberta, the balding woman bilking at least $100/hour from poor, naive Sonja. Why does Sonja trust her? "I consult with accountants, bankers, money managers, lawyers, estate planners but I trust Roberta because I've never felt that highway robbery I feel with, you know, the plumber." Let's make a positive out of Sonja's negative and learn from her mistakes in a little guide I like to call...
How to Know Your Psychic Is a Fake
1. A bus drops her off in front of your Upper East Side townhouse.
2. She is wearing a cheetah print second-hand sweater set.
3. She cradles a gin and tonic menacingly instead of a crystal ball.
4. She does not offer you any predictions on her own, instead only vaguely affirms your hopes and dreams:
Sonja: "I don't know if I will ever get married again, what do you think?" Roberta: "I think you will."
5. She offers no constructive criticism, only blanket compliments.
Roberta: "You have loyalty." "You are a survivor."
6. Even your psychic tells you that you are "too trusting."
7. She does not even try to phrase any statement as a prediction.
Sonja: "I just want to get this little tummy tuck." Roberta: "I think that would be good. Just let 'em suck it out."
8. She ends your session by asking for her own surgical procedure.
Of course, this raises the question, "Are any psychics not scams?" Bethenny will answer this question in her related Learning Annex seminar featured in next week's episode.
FAKE: Jill Really Thought She Was "Teaching Ramona Through Example" About Class
Last week, Ramona "nearly destroyed" Jill's Kodak event by dissing the sponsor within earshot of a few very important executives. But when Ramona invited Jill to her Tru Renewal launch party, Jill said that she was determined to be the "bigger and better person" and "show her, maybe teach her through example how to do the right thing" at a social event. Without any further hesitation, here are a few examples of the "respectful" criticisms she bellowed within earshot of potential customers:
· [About Ramona's picture on her brochures] "This isn't her face. Who the hell is this? This is eithah really bad Botox on the lips or someone photoshopped the f*ck out of her."
· "I just find this ironic that at a health thing, where it's all about skin care and health, they serve the most unhealthy food imaginable."
· "What am I going to eat? I am hungry. I have nothing to eat."
· "There's no need for anymore skin care lines on this earth. There are already fifty million of them. That's the last thing we need."
P.S. If a cardboard cutout could get hives, its name would be Alex McCord.