Glee Does Madonna: Rating the Three Last Covers

Over the weekend, three of Glee's Madonna covers were released in their entirety, leaving Movieline editor Christopher Rosen in a pile of gleegasms. The full setlist has hit YouTube now, and we're picking right up where he left off. The only problem? These songs feel less like a ray of light and more like chapters in a grating bedtime story.

"Borderline/Open Your Heart"

"Borderline" teems with the kind of ebullience and innocence that make it a perfect fit for Glee, and the defiance of "Open Your Heart" works within the show's parameters, too. Together, though, these songs feel confused and contradictory. "Borderline" is about satisfaction, while "Open Your Heart" demands reciprocation. Both songs hinge on Madonna's signature urgency (the quality that makes her a surprisingly powerful balladeer) and here, Finn and Rachel commit the cardinal Glee atrocity: a Kidz Bop soundalike devoid of believable desire.

Gleegasm Rating: 3

"Express Yourself"

What. Sorry to sound a thousand years old, but you have to be kidding me. Madonna -- and "Express Yourself" in particular -- is about carnality. This sounds like tween trick-or-treaters dressed as kinda-naughty Tinkerbells. While "4 Minutes" has the kind of rambunctious energy more suited for Glee tributes, "Express Yourself" is just too soulful. The cloying chirp renders this anthem downright repressed.

Gleegasm Rating: 1

"What It Feels Like for a Girl"

After you forgive that hideous intro (which is -- to be fair -- part of Madonna's original), the gents' take on "What It Feels Like for a Girl" is delicate and rich. It's also Glee's cleverest choice from the Madonna repertoire, though I'd have shrieked with pride if they'd chosen "You'll See," like I suggested. But let's end on a positive note: I really dig the thrown-in Postal Service percussion here.

Gleegasm Rating: 7