Congratulations! We're stuck with it. The Marriage Ref has been renewed for a second season, along with NBC's other weird, uncomfortable series Minute to Win It and Who Do You Think You Are. The decision did not sit well with Movieline's TV scholars, who at one point used to enjoy Jerry Seinfeld and marriages. After the jump, Julie Miller and I diagnose The Marriage Ref's problems and vote for major changes in the series's second go-around.
Louis: Well, Julie, let's break down the biggest problems with The Marriage Ref. I'll start: The couples need to be in studio. Their via-satellite shtick is the lamest.
Julie: It could also work if the host and panelists actually flew to the couple's houses. That would at least provide the out-of-studio awkwardness that this show needs. And as a host replacement, I suggest Reege.
Louis: I love the idea of Reege as host. He's just the right mixture of zany and grounded and confident, and hnd makes the right joke when everything is just embarrassing. Tom Papa is named "Tom Papa" and has none of those qualities.
Julie: How many episodes do you think Jerry Seinfeld will actually appear on next season?
Louis: One, right? They'll get, like, J.K. Rowling and Jessica Seinfeld, and he'll do that one. And Jessica will have just written a book about cooking sexy meals out of leaves.
Julie: That's a safe bet. I also think the show would benefit from some actual stakes.
Louis: A grand prize or something?
Julie: Like the winning part of the couple gets a tropical vacation alone.
Louis: Cheeky.
Julie: Also, has the show featured a gay couple yet?
Louis: This ain't The Sinners' Agreement Ref, Julie.
Julie: Haha. Fair enough.
Louis: They need a gay couple, though. That might make this show seem like it wasn't produced in 1990. Everything about The Marriage Ref says "Vin Di Bona Production." If only Saget and a voting studio audience were present.
Julie: I would love to see Saget as host. He has earned this. In general, I'd be more interested in watching "celebrity week" on Marriage Ref, where all of the couples talking about their problems are at least C-list celebrities. I don't care who weighs in.
Louis: Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson fight over which Greek isle has the best rentable skyscrapers. Tom Papa makes big Felix the Cat eyes every time Rita suggests nude sunbathing at Crete.
Julie: And then he cuts Tom off mid-sentence with a big "Bye, Hanks family!" to get onto the next couple.
Louis: Ha! The Hanks family gets four minutes like everyone else.
Julie: Big question for next season: Will Jerry be able to persuade his pal and NBC comrade Jay Leno to appear on an episode next season?
Louis: Talk about a perfect fit. I think it'll happen. Ugh, what other celebrities do we want? Maybe if there were better panelists, we'd feel less cynical. That's not true, but work with me.
Julie: Is there really any panelist that would make you take this show seriously? I feel like Miley Cyrus is just as qualified to be a panelist on this show as Kirstie Alley.
Louis: That's exactly what I want. I want child freaks and... maybe adult sociopaths? Miley Cyrus, the adorable 3-year-old Justin Bieber fan, and a Menendez brother?
Julie: A litter of adorable puppies who cock their heads to the side when they hear satellite bickering.
Louis: An iPad. With little feet.
Julie: I'd rather watch iPad Ref than Marriage Ref.
Louis: Yep. Looks like a Modern Family cross-network promotion is in order. See you next season.