J.D. Shapiro has something he'd like to get off his chest (and no, it's not a body thetan): he was the screenwriter of Battlefield Earth, and he'd like to apologize for it. Shapiro has taken to the New York Post to explain how the misbegotten John Travolta vehicle came about almost a decade ago, and it had everything to do with his libido and a Scientologist's love for his masterful work scripting Robin Hood: Men in Tights:
It started, as so many of my choices do, with my Willy Wonker.
It was 1994, and I had read an article in Premiere magazine saying that the Celebrity Center, the Scientology epicenter in Los Angeles, was a great place to meet women.
Willy convinced me to go check it out. Touring the building, I didn't find any eligible women at first, but I did meet Karen Hollander, president of the center, who said she was a fan of Robin Hood: Men in Tights. We ended up talking for over two hours. She told me why Scientology is so great. I told her that, when it comes to organized religion, anything a person does to reward, threaten and try to control people by using an unknown like the afterlife is dangerous.
Nonetheless, Karen called me a few days later asking if I'd be interested in turning any of L. Ron Hubbard's books into movies. Eventually, I had dinner with John Travolta, his wife Kelly Preston, Karen -- about 10 Scientologists in all. John asked me, "So, J.D., what brought you to Scientology?"
I told him. John smiled and replied, "We have tech that can help you handle that." I don't know if he meant they had technology that would help me get laid or technology that would stop Willy from doing the majority of my thinking.
It is astounding that someone who named his penis "Willy Wonker" could ever write something bad, but Shapiro's mea culpa is worth a read, if only for its little details like L. Ron Hubbard's vendetta against the color purple, or Travolta's belief that all involved were making "The Schindler's List of sci-fi." In that the film turned out to be a terrible tragedy, perhaps he was more prescient than they ever could have known.