Bravo announced a slew of new projects today, including the newest iteration of their signature Real Housewives franchise in Beverly Hills. Predictable, no? It sounds like a colorless hybrid of Orange County and NYC, with the added cupcake empires and Rodeo Drive visits for singularity. At least the upcoming Washington D.C. branch offers politics, the military, and legitimate scandal; Beverly Hills just repackages the well-explored lives of Bethenny Frankel and Vicki Gunvalson. Bravo is missing potential in five smaller metropolitan areas, which all offer sinister qualities like international flavor, religion, or complete isolation.
Dallas
Housewives finally embraced gaudiness with New Jersey, but the fringe-and-fluff pageantry of Dallas is a bubbling-over wellspring. The salon conversations alone would outdo any of Danielle Straub's debacles, rising to compete with the barbershop shenanigans of Jersey Shore. Southern women are also built for one-liners, and Housewives is nothing without its quotability. If they cast a particularly raunchy bunch, perhaps Bravo would be good enough to call the series The Best Little Prostitution Whores in Texas.
Montreal
The glitzy Canadian ville offers two shades of patrician flair: The Westmount ladies who lunch, and the French-Canadian nouveau riche. The former are known for waspy diction and Greene Street shopping excursions, and the latter are, shall we say, more Celine-ly. We could expect dust-ups between the two camps pertaining to taste and language. Vicious!
Topeka
We've seen plenty of Midwestern sitcoms -- from Happy Days to Roseanne to The Middle -- but we've rarely seen the actual middle of the country (save United States of Tara, which takes place in Kansas). The corn belt begs for representation, and the upper-crust wives could give us glimpses into vitriolic PTA meetings, the snootier goings-on at the moose lodge, and the harsh art of youth soccer coaching. Someone like NYC's Ramona Singer would come off as lovable -- not clueless -- in this environment.
Provo
For all that Big Love has given us, Mormon households remain a fascinating subject. The matriarchs of Provo could lend a few as-yet-untapped qualities to the franchise: religion and youth. Mormons famously get married at young ages, and seeing 22-year-old new mothers match wits with 50-year-old community elders could be accidentally delicious. And as Oprah's Osmond show spectacular proved, nothing is quite as telegenic as neatly enforced family values spread out among 550 relatives. Subtitle: "Tabernacle Tensions"
Dubai
How hasn't an abroad iteration of Housewives emerged in the past four years? Of all international locales, Dubai is the meatiest choice: There's intrigue, the beachfront, impeccably rendered real estate, and the richest people in the galaxy. Celebrity cameos are shoo-ins -- Mariah Carey and Paris Hilton can become friends of the family with a flick of the checkbook. An introductory segment where a high-falutin' mom tries to explain the definition of "emirate" is electrifying, even in theory.