Whether it's the Aleve or the bourbon (or both) finally kicking in, it's getting a little easier to process some of this week's most confusing, infuriating or flat-out weird stories that rolled through Movieline HQ. Which isn't to say they make that much more sense than they did when they first occurred, but time, space and the sweet harmonies of the Say Whaaaa? Singers go a long way to feeling better about it all. Let's see what blew their minds this week!
5. The Taxi Driver affair
There are development rumors, and then there are Development Rumors. The former, which might consist of Christopher Nolan "mentoring" a reboot of the Superman franchise, make you nod and shrug and ruminate on the possibilities. The latter, which this week consisted of Lars von Trier mentoring Martin Scorsese on a reboot of Taxi Driver, inspire a little more complex reaction -- like Say whaaaa? You're on your own from there.
4. The 'Do
Sandra Bullock may not have had the most adventurous choice for her favorite performance of the last decade (Kate Winslet in The Reader is worth its own spittake of sorts), but the Oscar nominee more than made up for it with a hairstyle that made a confused nation sit up and Say whaaaa?
3. Christina Hendrick's mounds of talent
"It kind of hurt my feelings at first," the Mad Men siren said in a profile in this week's New York Magazine, concerned about the attention paid her voluptuousness. "Anytime someone talks about your figure constantly, you get nervous, you get really self-conscious. I was working my butt off on the show, and then all anyone was talking about was my body!" Say whaaaa? Honey, you're on the cover of New York Magazine in lingerie. Forget the Fashion Week tie-in; your chest alone makes it a double issue.
2. Up, up and a weigh
So did you hear the one about Cop Out director Kevin Smith getting bounced off a Southwest Airlines flight for being too fat for one seat? Of course you did -- again and again and, in perhaps the most staggering monument to celebrity narcissism since Vincent Gallo began selling his sperm, yet again in a 24-part video series about the incident. Say whaaaa? Seriously: Is there anyone looking out for this guy? A publicist, a studio exec, a peer, a dietician, anyone among his 1.6 million Twitter followers who can hammer some dignity and/or moderation into a man whose self-indulgence is so obviously out of control? A silencing resolution is one thing, but maybe an intervention is more in order. Where is Harvey Weinstein when you need him?
1. Tiger Woods: Pretty f***ing sorry
Actually, you know what's worse than an avalanche of Smith-centric social media? How about the passive-aggressive filibuster of contrition delivered today by Tiger Woods, which featured apologies to his wife, his family, his friends, his fellow golfers and pretty much everybody but his paramours and the neighbors whose yard he drove into nearly three months ago? What about them? Wellll, first Tiger got a little sidetracked thwacking the media ("When my children were born, we only released photographs [...] so that the paparazzi could not chase them"), getting with God ("Part of following this path for me is Buddhism, which my mother taught me at a young age), and then... this: "I once heard -- and I believe it is true -- it's not what you achieve in life that matters, it is what you overcome." Say whaaaa? See how he did that -- the world's most famous athlete adroitly switching to victim mode? Ick. Ick. He was so much more likable in hiding.
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