In an effort to woo the Twitter-obsessed, sext-crazed demographic that would rather spend an evening cutting status updates about their boredom into their forearms than watching a bunch of long-winded Olds trade shiny statuettes for four interminable hours, this year the Academy is taking some bold steps to engage the next generation of Oscar fans through the social media channels that normally distract their precious attention away from traditional Hollywood entertainment products. To announce these youth-centric initiatives, AMPAS president Tom Sherak took to The Academy's new Facebook page this morning to post a message about all the super-exciting surprises that await over the next four weeks of Oscar season:
BIG NEWS FOR OUR FACEBOOK BFFs!
You guys, awesome changes are happening at the Oscars! You've already found your way our Facebook page, so congratulations! You rock! We're so psyched to have your here. We realize the time you could otherwise be spending on FarmVille is valuable! So let's get right to it. Besides this Facebook situation, here are some of the other things we've got in store for you on the Road to Oscar!
The Official Oscars iPhone App
You've all got iPhones, right? Sweet. So download our little appy and get your iOscar on! From our app, you can read all about our ten Best Pic nomineesters, watch trailers in streaming rad-definition, and turn your photos as gold and sparkly as your favorite award with our exclusive OscarizeYourself™ feature! (You can also add a unicorn horn to your new Oscarhead, if that's how you roll!) It's the best. But don't take my word for it. User Mw:() calls it "Pretty good I guess." Word!
Oscar LiveSimulStreaming™ With Your Fave Stars!
Don't be scared by the uber-old hosts you might be seeing in our commercials on ABC. (ABC? What's that, right? The place where your 'rents watch Dancing With The Lames?) They're just for the people who are going to tune in on TV on Oscar Night, which you're totally not going to do. But don't worry, we're hooking you up! Just go to Oscar.com at 8 p.m. EST on March 7th, and we'll be LiveSimulStreaming™ the whole show for you, with megastars Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner digitally replacing Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin! (Who? Exactly!) Avatar director J-Cam lent us the supercool technology that will let you experience the webcast with a double-shot of Taylors. And it's in 3D! (Glasses available at 7-11 with the purchase of any UltraBigBite or Triple Remix Slurpee. Yum!)
Check Our Hot New Slogan!
By now, you might have already seen our poster. But we both know our "You've Never Seen Oscar Like This" slogan isn't hot enough for you, so we've upgraded it to Slogan 2.0 for you: "You've Never Seen Oscar Like This, Bitches!" Nice!
Submit Your Own Oscar Banter!
We've already invited you to ask your own questions at the nominee luncheon right through this Facebook page. On Oscar night, surf back over here and submit the things you'd like to see your favorite stars say to each other at the podium! Think @Mickey Rourke should throw down a nasty mama joke on @RDJ? Let us know! Want @Leo DiCaprio to tell @Kristen Stewart he'd like to "smoosh" with her, Jersey Shore-style? Post that here! We'll select the best suggestions and transmit them directly to the Teleprompter on stage!
Twitter Feed: Coming Soon!
We've been so hard at work getting this Facebook page together for you we haven't had time to launch our official Twitter feed, but we're told it'll be ready super-soon! In the meantime, hit up Oscar director @adamshankman's tweetfest to learn all the hot behind-the-scenes gossip! Hold on: It looks like A-Sha is already on it! C'mon Janet! LOL! (Laugh Oscar Loud!)
And Much More!
Other great stuff's going to be happening all over the Oscarnet™, just you wait!
We hope you digg all the new things we've added to keep you happy and far away from other revenue-diverting entertainment options! Drop us a line here on the FB and let our very expen$ive cool-hunting consultants know what you think!
Yr bro,
Tom S.
PS-- OMG! Dolph Lundgren is soooo crazy! (Want him to sing and dance and break ice bricks on our show? Let us know and we'll make it happen!)
PPS-- Don't torrent movies! It's stealing!