If you think the following joke is funny -- "Five months! Do you realize that there are guys on Viagra with erections that've lasted longer than that?" -- then you would've loved last night's Jay Leno Show finale. After a few more monologue knee slappers, Leno welcomed Ashton Kutcher, Gabourey Sidibe, Donald Trump and Bob Costas (the latter two via satellite) onto the program to pretend like ConanGate had not happened. The only allusions to NBC rumblings came when Leno joked that he had been fired. To close out his reign of primetime torture, Leno even subjected Kutcher to a final "Earn Your Plug" segment. The best moments from Leno's awkward goodbye-until-March (in which he made no mention of the Tonight Show or Conan O'Brien), as well as the other highlights you missed while completing the adoption paperwork for your latest lemur, after the jump.
5. The Time James Cameron Convinced Bill Paxton To Risk His Life For the Titanic
One day, all of the nightmare stories about working with James Cameron will be compiled in an anthology called The Titanic's Taskmaster or Tales From the Cameron Crypt. Just wait.
4. "A New Giga-Low"
I think I speak for most late night viewers when I say, I would rather watch Stephen Colbert honor a different male whore each night than see Jay Leno hose down Ashton Kutcher as an "Earn That Plug" challenge.
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3. A Drugged Topher Grace
If you were one of the segment producers who passed on the chance to have Topher Grace appear on your talk show in favor of the "bigger" stars of Valentine's Day, then eat up this never-before-revealed That 70's Show drug anecdote and dwell on your mistake.
2. Electroshock Carrie-apy
Carrie Fisher and Craig Ferguson share a lot more than their initials -- they are both recovering alcoholics, Twitter users, and expert conversation ramblers.
1. Jay Leno Looks Back
Last night's Jay Leno Show finale more than anticlimactic. It was disappointing. The host did not even close out the show thanking his fans or addressing the fact that he would be back on NBC in a month. Here lies the best of Leno's reminiscing.
[Skip ahead to the second act, beginning at 7:55]