Last night, Chatsworth, CA became the center of the universe, when a test screening of The Expendables unleashed a tidal wave of aging '80s action stars upon an unsuspecting audience. Reception was mixed. The first (and far better written) of two reviews on AICN dismissed its hokey genre elements and terrible script. ("One of the bad guys in the beginning actually says 'I would rather die than hear that joke again' after Dolph tells a nearly unintelligible bit o' humor during a terrorist hostage pre-credit intro.") The second reviewer called it "kick ass" and "overpowering," and was glad he wasn't late for the screening because he "couldn't find a damn envelope." Phew! Envelope -- and a dozen flailing careers -- recovered! [AICN]