Us Magazine really, really wants you to know that Tom Cruise is 47. (And that he'll be 48 next year! I mean, who can even stand to see a 48-year-old on a movie screen, am I right? He's certainly no Kim Kardashian.) In fact, Us's new post on Cruise's deal for Mission: Impossible 4 is so absurdly stocked with age non sequiturs that we're left fumbling for a motive. Does this have something to do with the Us editor who just sold an action drama with a very A-list friendly lead? Regardless, here are five headlines Us surely rejected before picking the eventual winner:
"Tom Cruise Signs Mission: Impossible Deal, Is Definitely Unavailable for Us Editor's Movie, Not Like We Wanted Him Anyway, Because We Didn't"
"Tom Cruise is No Sam Worthington, Christian Bale, or Russell Crowe"
(subhed: "Why not being either of those 3 actors is a disadvantage for the nearly-50 star")
"Will Mission: Impossible 4 Feature Lipstick-Wearing Suri, Fathered By Notable Old Person Tom Cruise?"
"Denture-Wearing Scientologist Tom Cruise Makes Deathbed Wish to Star in Mission: Impossible Sequel"
"Khloe Kardashian Tweets Intent to Skip Mission: Impossible 4"