Project Runway Recap: Spite at the Museum

Project Runway's second trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art was decadent and devastating. The judges ordered one of our favorite miniature seamsters to clean up his/her space, and Nina Garcia's criticisms got really mean. Like, meaner than Michael Kors after the tanning salon clerk mentions that "Firewood" isn't his color. Trot along with us as we rediscover the season's most artful -- and stupefyingly bitchy -- episode yet.

Our well-suspendered kid brother Jesus starts off the jokes by telling us he "needs to pull forward" and "must decide what Jesus's design aesthetic is." What? Not true on either count. If the last two episodes have taught us anything, it's that Jesus should do what he wants, send livestock and hula hoops down the runway, and watch as the judges spare him thanks to his adorable gerbil eyes. Wink, run along, and film a couple more Skip-It commercials, Jesus. Then Jesse (the straight designer with the Kraftwerkian hair part) announces point-blank that our precious Ping should go home. Whenever the humorless straight dude gets a bunch of screentime, you know he's onto something. Panicked, America is.

On the runway, Heidi is pregnant to pass the hours. Soon she'll be rolling her eyes, dropping newborns five at a time, and muttering, "Yahtzee" to the RN. Before the designers can even get comfortable in folding chairs, Heidi orders the group to find Tim Gunn and make him drive them to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Everyone cheers. Tim starts weeping because he's the only cast member with a learner's permit, and it's not fair that he has to drive the '89 Chevy Astro van when no one will tell him how to turn on the windshield wipers.

We soon find that the Met is a gorgeous and sprawling place. After Tim wipes the sweat from his brow and the rest of his body, he leads the 14 remaining designers to a room with very well-dressed mannequins.

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