Realizing that it was his second-to-last Tonight Show ever (unless Jay Leno is fatally wounded in a suspicious antique automobile car crash), Conan O'Brien graciously admitted last night that although this is not his ideal goodbye, Coco would make his last Tonight Show as fun as possible, because you, Coco fans, are what matters. Meanwhile, somewhere in Burbank, Jay Leno stepped onstage, accepted pity-hugs from the first two rows of his audience and then bizarrely compared himself to a hero of one of the world's most tragic maritime disasters.
"NBC and Conan O'Brien made an announcement earlier today -- as many of you know -- Conan is leaving the network," said Leno. "His final show airs tomorrow night. I have chosen to stay on the Titanic. I don't believe the iceberg is that big, the biggest ship, this ship will never sink and Kev...when it does, Kev as it's sinking you will play [for] us."
Click through for that comically oversized moment of mock modesty, as well as the other highlights you missed last night, ranked from worst to best.
5. Jay Leno, White Night
Let's relive that "Say Whaaaat" moment together, when Jay Leno all but said that he would command NBC's sinking passenger liner because Conan O'Brien had shoved screaming women and children out of the way so that he could disembark the Tonight Show and jump into the last departing lifeboat toward an island holding $32 million.
4. Craig Ferguson's Jersey Shore: The Movie
Ferguson has been one of the only after-hours hosts unable to lure the Jersey Shore cast mates off the boardwalk and into his studio. Last night, the Late Late Show host introduced the next best thing: A trailer for the guidos' feature film starring Mila Kunis as Snooki, Nick Lachey as Ronnie, Tom Lennon as The Situation and Craig Ferguson as Mario. Sadly, an interview with DJ Pauly conducted by Ferguson's alligator puppet might have been more enjoyable.
More Leno Conspiracy Theories
Per usual, David Letterman slammed the future Tonight Show host in his monologue before releasing another incriminating video of Leno.
2. The Late Night War, By Kevin Burns
Jimmy Kimmel joined in on the ConanGate retrospectives with this mock-up of a PBS documentary on the NBC Cold War.
1. Conan's Career Counselor, Robin Williams
When Williams wasn't cursing out the set window or predicting the future of late night ("Listen, you're going to leave late night and it's just going to be Jay and Dave like strippers battling over a merkin"), the comedian offered up some of his ideas for how Conan should spend his contractually obligated seven-month hiatus. Also revealed: Conan still does not know the fate of the Masturbating Bear.