All right everyone, it looks like Ghostbusters 3 is actually a go: a script's been written, the returning cast is tentatively confirmed, Ivan Reitman will be directing, and Sigourney Weaver is ready to spill secrets. Enjoy this honeymoon period while it lasts, because Ghostbusters 3 is a project full of potential peril. Here are ten bits of advice that the filmmakers ought to take if they want to avoid a final product that crashes under the weight of its own rebooted nostalgia:
1. Please do not have Kanye West remix the theme song or something
Look, I've already resigned myself to the fact that the filmmakers will incorporate Ray Parker Jr.'s Ghostbusters theme song somehow. Can't it be a snippet heard on the radio or a closing credits Easter egg rather than something that's going to be reimagined and desecrated by one of today's contemporary artists? I don't need to see Lady Gaga get her Zuul on in a music video. She does that anyway.
2. Don't just make this an Apatow movie with special effects
Judd Apatow might have a near-monopoly on some of today's most successful comic actors, but suiting up Seth Rogen, Jason Segel, Justin Long and their kin as young Ghostbusters is only going to look like laziness. Casting is everything, and you'll have every kid in town auditioning if you want it. Take the time to find some new talent!
3. Don't use Slimer
Slimer has already had his moment -- lots of them, in fact! We've seen him as a practical effect and as a cartoon character, and I think we can agree it should stop there before we see the weirdly tangible ghost as a CG creation (or worse, a motion-capped monstrosity suddenly voiced by Jonah Hill).
4. Don't redo the Ghostbusters logo
The original Ghostbusters logo is simple, iconic and notably 80's -- kind of like the movie itself. Why add a bunch of Photoshop filters and textures when half the fun of the logo is that kids want to draw it? Screw with that at your own peril.
5. Don't go "dark and gritty"
Ever since The Dark Knight became a megahit, it seems like every franchise reboot is intended to be dark and gritty, whether it's Nightmare on Elm Street or Spider-Man. Ghostbusters is no place for angst and tortured soul-searching. However...
6. Be scary!
...That shouldn't be read as some sort of exhortation to make Ghostbusters 3 a G-rated romp. Part of the reason the first two films succeeded is that they scared the crap out of kids, then made them laugh (later, those same kids would experience a rush of giddy fear and laughter while watching Scream). Don't make all the ghosts cute and cuddly just to qualify them for fast food tie-ins.
7. No Alyssa Milano
When the LAT asked Dan Aykroyd last summer who he'd like to see play a 'buster in Ghostbusters 3, he lobbied hard for the "amazing" Alyssa Milano, who provided a voice in the Ghostbusters video game. Alyssa Milano, I'm sure you are a delightful woman, and I like the Dodgers too, but you may want to stop reading right about here: Producers, you can do better.
8. No immediately dated cultural references
When Ghostbusters 2 came out in 1989, I was a nine-year-old video game junkie who could recite the Zelda II instructional booklet from memory. However, even I was mortified when Bill Murray began to control a slime-wrapped Statue of Liberty using nothing but an NES Advantage joystick. Let that be a lesson to you: Don't blindly stuff your film full of youth-pandering pop culture detritus, or you'll regret it.
9. Be careful about integrating the old cast
You wouldn't think that Ghosbusters 3 had much to learn from 90210 or Melrose Place, but both of those rebooted properties experienced growing pains when the new cast members were forced to battle the returning regulars for screen time. If you're going to keep everyone from Dan Aykroyd to Annie Potts around, how do you expect the new Ghostbusters to establish themselves as franchise leads? Which brings me to my last bit of advice...
10. Are you sure about that Bill Murray/ghost thing?
Sigourney Weaver recently divulged that not only will her onscreen son Oscar be suiting up as a Ghostbuster, but Bill Murray will be returning in ghost form. There's admittedly a certain cleverness to the idea, but it's limiting story-wise and for Murray as an actor -- how will he be able to spark off of the other characters if he's superimposed later after doing two days of green-screen work by himself? Bill Murray's already done his comedy cameo for this generation, and it was in Zombieland. Are you sure you won't want Murray alive in Ghostbusters 5? Be bold, but don't cross the streams.