Since Movieline was out of commission on Friday, we're getting to our Jersey Shore wuss watch a few days late. On the plus side, Thursday's episode was low on crybaby antics, and we may have to split hairs in order to declare a victor. You'll remember that Ronnie has two wins so far, and Mike "The Situation" is in second place with one. Will DJ Pauly, who mesmerized us last episode by uttering the phrase "mixing it up on the ones and twos" a scandalous 600 times, or Vinny, who wears sky-blue t-shirts with glitter on them sometimes, pull through with a softy win?
Winner: Mike "The Situation"
Of course. Following the legendary attack on Snooki, our heroes Pauly, Vinny, and Ronnie stewed on the pier and properly began to threaten some lives. Vinny (who is almost certain never to win this award) also found and comforted the stunned Schnickers. Ronnie threw out swear words in a confessional and essentially promised to piledrive all of Seaside Heights. Pauly turned an even rage-ier shade of sepia. But The Situation took the horrible scuffle as a chance to smoosh with lady clubgoers, which means he missed out on a (redeeming) chance of retaliatory manliness.
Pictured above, The Situation tries to score with a woman who doesn't care. Forget that he actually provided the drinks to Brad Ferro, the man who would punch Snooki; The Situation really secured the Softy Guido Award with his recollection of the jab later, which was full of contrived awe. At this rate he'll never win a respectable spinoff.
That ties Ronnie and Le Sitch at two trophies apiece. Will Vinny's hookup with his boss's girlfriend produce any oceans of tears if he's booted from the house? From me, yes. But from Vinny? We'll have to stay tuned.