What's On: Who Would You Rather Kiss At Midnight?

If you're anything like Andy Rooney, you'll be counting down the last hours of 2009 alone and miserable, nursing a single-serving of coffee ice cream and a year's worth of regrets. Fortunately, the usual cast of New Year's Eve television hosts will be available to shout at you from Times Square, throw to firework celebrations in Sydney, Australia and introduce drunken bands fulfilling promotional obligations. If that programming won't cut it, the Lifetime Network is broadcasting its viewers' favorite movie of the year (which happens to star LeAnn Rimes) and MTV will recount the nine biggest stories of the year with the help of the Jersey Shore cast members. Other options ahead.

Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve With Ryan Seacrest 2010 [11:30 PM, ABC]

The world's oldest teenager is 80 and ringing in another rockin' new year with his heir apparent and a host of non-threatening musical acts like Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber and Robin Thicke. The only possibilities for spontaneous crotch-grabs and unrehearsed same-sex kisses belong to the Black Eyed Peas and Jennifer Lopez, who is more likely to reprise her purposeful fall. Clark's party will run the latest tonight, shutting down around 2 AM.

Billboard's New Year's Eve Live [11 PM, Fox]

Fox meets ABC's poppin' or lockin' or whatever their New Year's will be and raises it in estrogen, with hosts Carmen Electra and Eva Longoria Parker. The lovely pair will ring in the new year from Las Vegas, where conveniently, Parker has a new restaurant and club that she will be plugging. American Idol graduates Kris Allen and Allison Iraheta will perform as the ball drops.

NBC's New Year's Eve Live [11:30 PM, NBC]

Carson Daly is still alive and hosting NBC's celebrations tonight with the help of Green Day, Rihanna and Jay Z.

New Year's Eve Live With Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin [11 PM, CNN]

If there will be any profanity during tonight's on-air celebrations it will surely come from CNN's unpredictable pair of New Year's hosts. Kathy Griffin told Craig Ferguson that her contract this year states that if she swears, she will not get paid, but teased that that is not really something she can help. Lance Bass and John Zarrella will round out the coverage from Las Vegas and Key West, Florida.

New Year's Eve Thin Man Marathon [8 PM, TCM]

Turner Classic Movies may not have a C-list celebrity to sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the stroke of midnight but they do have five of the six Thin Man films to enrich your evening in ways that Carmen Electra never could. Starring William Powell and Myrna Loy as married sleuths Nick and Nora Charles, the night begins with The Thin Man, in which Maureen O'Sullivan co-stars as an inventor's daughter who asks the pair to clear her father's name in a murder case, going as far as to convince them that she is the murderer. After the Thin Man follows at 9:45, Another Thin Man at 11:45, Shadow of the Thin Man at 1:45 and The Thin Man Goes Home at 3:30.