Long before Spencer Pratt weaseled his way onto The Hills and Simon Cowell dressed down his first off-note performer, television audiences relied on fictional characters for their daily doses of evil. Take a scoundrel like J.R. Ewing of Dallas: viewers could watch as he swindled his own mama out of her rightful stake of the Ewing Oil fortune, click off the television, and not have to worry about hearing that J.R. got a D.U.I. on a late night burger run or was arrested for child molestation. Sure, our airwaves may have been invaded by parasitic reality evildoers, but this decade could still boast some of the best fictional television villains of all time. So please join us as we remember the best TV creeps of the last decade (no antiheroes allowed!):
Sylar, Heroes (2006 - 2009)
Portrayed By: Zachary Quinto
Profile: Superpowered serial killer and skilled watch repairman.
Powers: Intuitive aptitude, which allowed him to figure out how other powers worked and acquire more after murdering the people who possess them. Powers gained from murder include telekinesis, lie detection, shape shifting, flight and rapid cell regeneration.
Weakness: Brain theft
Teen Choice Award Nominations: 2 ("Choice TV Villain," 2007 and 2008)
Quote: "I believe in fate and karma, and I'm not just saying that 'cause you're Indian."
T-Bag, Prison Break (2005 - 2009)
Portrayed By: Robert Knepper
Profile: One of the nastiest prisoners to come out of Fox River State Penitentiary, Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell was even conceived criminally (his father raped his Down syndrome-afflicted sister), which perhaps explains his interests in vandalism, animal torture, murder, rape, kidnapping, pedophilia and racism. T-Bag even convinced a veterinarian to reattach his severed hand once (it was chopped off with an ax, long story), before killing the Good Samaritan.
Powers: Ability to rig a set of cards, adeptness with a razor blade, intelligence (studied encyclopedias as a child) and charm.
Weakness: The law.
Leadership Experience: Established a white supremacy gang at the prison, giving him serious pull with his inmates.
Claim to Fame: Was once featured on an episode of America's Most Wanted within an episode of Prison Break.
Teen Choice Award Nominations: 1 ("Choice TV Villain," 2007)
Quote: "All cons are equal."
Wilhelmina Slater, Ugly Betty (2006 - 2009)
Portrayed By: Vanessa Williams
Profile: The daughter of a senator, Wilhelmina is an egotistical former supermodel and co-editor in chief of Mode. She makes Betty Suarez's life a living hell and boasts an impressive list of flings including Mick Jagger, Andre Agassi and the Prince of Dubai.
Powers: Possesses blackmail information on fashion industry rivals, tempts recovering alcoholics to forfeit their sobriety, manipulates press expertly
Weakness: Botox, the rare wave of emotion, Chanel
Teen Choice Award Wins: 1 ("Choice TV Villain," 2007 -- 2009)
Quote: "That is the absolute cruelest thing I've ever seen. Someone's getting a raise."
Arthur Mitchell ("The Trinity Killer"), Dexter (2009)
Portrayed By: John Lithgow
Profile: A middle-aged serial killer, family man, teacher and deacon, Mitchell killed in groups of four for over three decades. During last week's season finale, Dexter finally killed Mitchell only to realize that Mitchell had killed his wife Rita first.
Powers: Mastery of the wet cement death, obsessive attention to detail that has allowed him to serial kill for thirty glorious years without being caught.
Weakness: An obsession with cyclical murders, the word "c*nt," controlling his rage, watching women bleed to death in bathtubs, impromptu dance
Teen Choice Award Nominations: No way.
Quote: "If you'd like, I can swing by your house and put an icepick in your husband's head."
Devon Banks, 30 Rock (2006 - 2009)
Portrayed By: Will Arnett
Profile: Jack Donaghy's NBC nemesis and sole competition for position of General Electric CEO. Like Jack, Devon boasts a breathy, deep voice, "hate-respect" for his foe and a thirst for power that led him to befriend Sasha and Malia Obama just to infiltrate the president's inner circle.
Powers: Persuasion and ruthlessness. In season two, Devon claimed that his homosexuality had been cured by the Church of Practicology and proposed to Don Geiss's daughter, Kathy, making him the GE heir apparent. He once sold the "E" in GE to Samsung (making it Samesung) just to keep the company afloat.
Weakness: Clay Aiken
Teen Choice Award Nominations: 0
Quote: "If there's one thing I've learned from you Jack, it's keep your friends close and your enemies so close that you are almost kissing."
Ava Moore, Nip/Tuck (2003 - 2009)
Portrayed By: Famke Janssen
Profile: The strongest of Nip/Tuck's many, many, sociopathic villains, Ava was a malicious life coach who inserted herself in the McNamara family, then seduced Sean and Julia's son Matt. Soon, Matt learned that she was having an incestuous relationship with her own son, Adrian, and then Christian discovered that Ava was actually a transsexual, made female by her surgeon ex-husband Barrett Moore (Alec Baldwin).
Powers: As Christian put it, "You lubricate acid. If I stick my dick up you, it would sizzle off."
Weakness: Limited to seducing young boys, who won't be sexually experienced enough to figure out that she's a transsexual
Leadership Experience: Managed to exert a sensual thrall over nearly every man on the show, and even made out with Julia in a dream sequence.
Claim to Fame: Dubbed the "Rolls Royce of trannies" by a shocked (and kind of turned on) Christian.
Teen Choice Award Nominations: None. This is a little TV-MA.
Quote: "Am I too much of a woman for you?"
Ben Linus, Lost
Portrayed By: Michael Emerson
Profile: Though he originally claimed to be a meek balloonist named Henry Gale when our heroes came upon him, Ben eventually revealed himself to be the mastermind behind the mysterious Others. There's no one Ben won't betray to come out ahead, even if it means sacrificing the very few people he actually cares about, like his daughter Alex.
Powers: A rather unexpected ability to continually fool his enemies into trusting him, mastery of several languages, a creepy stare
Weakness: Dinner dates with his crush, Juliet.
Leadership Experience: Gassed the entire Dharma Initiative so that he could move the Others in and become their leader.
Claim to Fame: Was the biggest cheese on Lost Island until Locke pulled that unfair trick and came back to life.
Teen Choice Award Nominations: 1 ("Choice TV Villain," 2007)
Quote: "How many times do I have to tell you, John? I always have a plan."
Gerald the Monobrow Baby, The Simpsons (1994 - 2009)
Voiced By: Hank Azaria
Profile: While Baby Gerald was conceived in the early '90s, his infrequent visits to the series often coincide with large scale disasters, making him the most sinister and least verbal villain on this list. He is Maggie's arch nemesis and can often be seen glaring at her from his mother's shopping cart, but in the episode "Bart To The Future," it was revealed that Monobrow Baby grows up to marry Maggie.
Trademarks: Monobrow, narrowed stare
Weakness: Abnormal eyebrow growth
Claim to Fame: As of the Simpsons' twentieth season, Baby Gerald can be seen in the opening credits.
Teen Choice Award Nominations: 0 (although The Simpsons were nominated for 8 ensemble Teen Choice Awards)
Quotes: N/A
Sue Sylvester, Glee (2009)
Portrayed By: Jane Lynch
Profile: The Cheerios coach and mastermind will do anything it takes to ensure her cheerleading squad's funding, even if that means selling out the Glee club at sectionals, verbally abusing staff, and enlisting student spies. Sylvester has the most mysterious back story of any villain on television today: she euthanized her own mother, assisted in the capture of Noriega, torments the homeless, and is missing a uterus.
Trademarks: Track suits
Powers: Can make herself throw up on command, boasts an unstoppable hunger for power
Weakness: Local news anchormen, protein shakes
Claim to Fame: Named Cheerleading Coach of the Year by Splits magazine, hosts a segment on the local news in which she speaks out for caning and littering.
Teen Choice Award Nominations: 0
Quotes: "You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, that's hard!...You think this is hard? I'm living with hepatitis, that's hard!...You think this is hard? Try filling your own cavity, that's hard!"