Jersey Shore 'Softy Guido' Award, Week Two: 'The Good Riddance'

Movieline's accolades for Jersey Shore keep coming. Case in point: Has a reality show ever eliminated its weakest link this effectively? Because Angelina was gone faster than a sucker-punching gym teacher at a Queens high school. I award the producers of Jersey Shore the coveted "Eject the Hater" trophy, which -- in its bronze, plastic, factory-produced splendor -- is unfortunately identical to DJ Pauly. Back to the task at hand: Last night's episode featured the series' softiest moment yet, and the winning guido's bloated, girly feelings couldn't even fit through a mini-golf windmill.

Softy Guido Award Winner: Ronnie

What a tumble Ronnie took this week. Remember the premiere, when he looked like this?

Those days are all but embers. Now Ronnie, who is in pretty-much-love with Sammi "Sweetheart," gives us the following quotes:

"At first I was all about 'don't shit where I sleep.' But for her, I'd roll around in my shit all day, to be honest."

"Honestly, I thought the shore house was the best thing to happen to me -- but you're the best thing to happen to me."

"Me and Sammi are pretty much together at this point. I'm enjoying it. I really am."

Ugh. How dare OmniNeck betray us? I could give these lines to Ali MacGraw and we'd have a '70s landmark on our hands. Looks like we're left to trust in Vinny, who is still the sweaty-and-mouthy Ryan O'Neal of the early 2000s that I prefer. Love means never having to stop fist-pumping first down here, and then to up here, AND THEN TO UP HERE.