If Barbara Walters really interviewed the 10 Most Fascinating People, she would have scored certifiably interesting sit downs with this year's real headliners like David Letterman, Chris Brown, Roman Polanski (from jail) or even readjusted her list to include Tiger Woods. Instead, viewers watched as Barbara Walters rehashed Kate Gosselin's ascent to reality fame and Brett Favre's fake-out retirement. But the esteemed journalist did manage to cover four sound bite-friendly topics which may surprise you. The cringe-inducing videos after the jump.
1. Michael Jackson
As Walters explained last night, her strict Most Fascinating People rules prohibit her from nominating a dead person, a tragedy considering this year's passing of the King of Pop. Fear not, though, because Walters' producers found the one headline more scintillating than Jackson himself: his three children. (Apparently exploited offspring are not off limits.) Prince, Paris and Blanket were not in attendance for a traumatizing wheedling by Babs ("Now tell me, just how much do you miss your father, and can you moonwalk for us?") Instead, producers relied on archival footage of Jackson's interviews and performances along with the grossly overplayed children home videos and Paris' heartbreaking goodbye to her father.
2. Adam Lambert's AMA Performance
Fulfilling the "controversial" portion of last night's unenlightening special, Barbara Walters revisited Lambert's now-stale AMA performance again to introduce the American Idol star to her geriatric audience with this effective all-encompassing line: "When Adam went into that contest, he had no idea that he would eventually [meaningful pause] come out." Walters then cut to part of Lambert's controversial number, where the host derisively sneered, "He also turned the music industry inside out by doing things we won't show you here." Walters refused to mention the simulated fellatio but did ask the star "Why?" and as much as she pressed him, she could not ruffle Lambert's glitter-encrusted feathers.
3. Lady Gaga's Bisexuality
While there are thousands of songs, lyrics, and costumes that Barbara Walters could have chosen to deconstruct during her four and a half-minute interview with Lady Gaga, the famed interviewer dove right into that overtly sexual Poker Face line (you know the one). Gaga even got her stiff counterpart to repeat the muffin lyric before dazzling Walters with a revelation about her fantasies with women and her love for men. In the end, Walters seemed most taken with Gaga, of all of her interviews, and awarded her the hour's gilded compliment: "You're not at all what I expected. You're much more."
4. Michelle Obama's Arms
After a few requisite minutes of talking about the White House pet, Bo, and the lovely Obama girls, Barbara Walters segued into the real reason for the world's fascination with this First Lady: those guns!