For those fans that have been following Lo and Lauren since their days in Laguna Beach, this season of The Hills was a bitter one. With the franchise's heroine and moral center gone, the series wobbled around Speidi's marital discontent, Kristen's lack of ambition outside the dating pool, and Brody's off-the-charts narcissism. Sure, there were brief moments of pain (Jayde), brilliance (Enzo) and wisdom (Lo), but they were mostly passed over in favor of increasingly manufactured situations like pregnancy scandals and Jagermeister-sponsored interventions. In last night's finale, producers continued to shove the only genuine elements left in the series off a Malibu cliff, ensuring that if there is a sixth season, it will be an even less satisfying one. After the jump, the season five's last winners of the Real/Fake Jackpot.
REAL: Lo Only Had 39 Seconds of Screen Time In Her Last Episode
Yes, that really happened last night. When Lauren Conrad left the show, producers constructed a six-figure, unofficial wedding for Speidi just so that LC could whisk in at the last minute, surprise her ex-best friend, and prove to her fan base that through thick or thin, reality show or clothing line, Lauren will always be there for her friends (that includes you, viewers). Poor Lo, though. Maybe she threw a hot mocha in a producer's face or asked for too many rewrites on her single line per episode -- whatever the case, producers screwed her last night with less than a minute of screen time, all spent shopping. Below, the bulk of her dialogue.
Audrina: Maybe you can get, like, a long-sleeved cute dress.
Lo: Like a mini with long sleeves?
Audrina: That would be cute.
Lo: So so cute.
At least Lo can feel satisfied that her last words spoken on The Hills were universally helpful and will be remembered for ages to come: "Yeah, and look really hot!"
FAKE: Justin Bobby and Audrina Split
When you saw Audrina and Justin Bobby meet up on the pier, you knew that they weren't over. Like Romeo and Juliet, or Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Audrina and Justin Bobby are just one of those couples with such fierce passion for each other that sometimes it sours ans becomes inarticulate hatred. Like when Audrina told Justin, "You're so selfish. You're so self-centered. All you care about is yourself," and Justin replied, "If you want be young about it, be young about it."
Case closed. If MTV had placed a bed behind them, they would have tossed away their cue cards and fallen passionately onto it, camera crews be damned. There is more heat between these two star-crossed lovers than any of the other couples on the show, especially the producer-engineered Justin Bobby and Kristin showmance. This was just another beautifully filmed scene for MTV's three-hour long Audrina & Justin Bobby Forever wedding special three years from now. Trust me.