Now that Aaron Sorkin's finished dramatizing the dorm-room intrigue that brought the gift of virtual sheep-tossing into our lives with the Facebook movie, he's ready to return to his first love: TV shows set behind the scenes of fictional TV shows. The mind responsible for the criminally underrated Sports Night and the bizarrely humor-free sketch-comedy series Studio 60 has told TV Guide that he's hard at work on what he describes as "the third in the trilogy" of his show-behind-the-show shows, but refused to say exactly what kind of show he'd be show-behind-the-showing. As is our custom, Movieline now examines the five most likely settings for Sorkin's top-secret new project.
1. Behind The Scenes Of A Daily Show-Style Show
Aaron Sorkin Repertory Players Involved: Bradley Whitford, Josh Malina, Josh Charles, Allison Janney, Nate Corddry
Is it even possible that Sorkin could be plotting a concept so deliciously on-the-nose? Should the unabashedly liberal showrunner decide to wade waste-deep into Jon Stewart's world, he could fictionalize how a satirical, left-leaning news program deals with covering a Democratic administration (so far) devoid of the intellectually incurious figureheads, shadowy, lock-jawed puppet-masters, and unrepentant war criminals who made for eight years' worth of such inspired, frustrated comedy. And if this is the project he's working on and doesn't talk longtime collaborator Bradley Whitford into playing the host role, we're going to put Sorkin on an ice floe with Sarah Palin and set them afloat in the Bering Strait, where he'll spend the rest of his days having maddeningly one-sided policy debates with the delightful former governor.
But if this is too obvious an idea, there's also an equally obvious flip-side:
2. Behind The Scenes Of A Borderline Insane Fox News Pundit Show
Aaron Sorkin Repertory Players Involved: Bradley Whitford, Sarah Paulson, Steven Weber, Richard Schiff, Janel Maloney
Indeed, Stephen Colbert's planted a comically oversized American flag bearing his own smiling image into the Bill O'Reilly/Glenn Beck territory, but Sorkin could give the fertile material one-hour dramedy treatment, blasting away with glee at easily baited fish thrashing around in a Fox News-branded barrel. Too easy? Perhaps. But we'd probably tune in to watch as Whitford (yeah, he's gonna need Whitford again) prepares for one of his character's signature tear-soaked rants by having producer Sarah Paulson work his nipples with a cheese grater just before the show goes live.
3. Behind The Scenes On A Show About Attractive, Brooding Teen Vampires
Aaron Sorkin Repertory Players Involved: Matthew Perry, Rob Lowe, Felicity Huffman
Even with Sorkin's clout, he may not be able to avoid a network's desire to capitalize on a white-hot vampire craze that shows no signs of cooling. And so we could get frustrated producer Matthew Perry, his TV career on the wane, struggling through a gig babysitting an ensemble of befanged, brooding teenagers just trying to navigate a high-school full of potential love-interest victims pulsing with delicious blood. Rob Lowe plays the troubled actor playing Jonathan Harker High's mysteriously smarmy biology teacher, while Felicity Huffman's the principal.
4. Behind The Scenes Of A Show About A Charismatic, Dog-Whispering Svengali
Aaron Sorkin Repertory Players Involved: Jimmy Smits, Stockard Channing, Timothy Busfield
There's no one more qualified that Sorkin to tackle the behind-the-kennel drama of the surprisingly political world of high-stakes dog-training, one where conflicting ideologies of unflinching pack-leader-dominance and clicker-happy, positive-reinforcement feel-goodism do battle every day. Jimmy Smits will look great in a close-cropped goatee, silencing aggressive dogs and mouthy colleagues alike with a gentle, but quietly forceful, shush delivered with a two-finger poke to the ribs.
5. Behind The Scenes Of A Show About The Bossest, Cake-Making Ace On Basic Cable
Aaron Sorkin Repertory Players Involved: Gary Cole, Peter Krause, Kristen Chenowith
Two men rush through the hallway between the kitchen and the banquet hall.
"It's angel-food."
"What's angel-food?"
"The cake is angel-food."
"I know that. I made the cake. I brought the cake. Angel-food is delicious."
"Angel-food is incredibly delicious. I won't argue that."
"So delicious."
"But they didn't want angel-food delicious."
"Why don't they want delicious? Everyone loves delicious."
"They wanted German chocolate delicious."
"They don't know what they want."
"They want German chocolate, they were pretty clear about what they want."
"German chocolate is the cake of the defeated. It's a Panzer rolling over your taste buds."
"So you just unilaterally went angel-food?"
"I unilaterally went delicious."
"The bride is freaking about the angel-food."
"Let the bride freak. She's getting angel-food. Angel-food is already on the table."
"They're getting ready to cut the cake. And she's freaking."
"She'll cut the cake and her husband will feed her a little bit of the cake and she'll say to herself, my God, angel-food is goddamn delicious."
"She's already said she's not cutting anything but German chocolate."
"There's no German chocolate. I didn't bring German chocolate. She'll cut what's on the table. Which is angel-food."
"She's not going to cut it, that's what she said."
"She'll cut it."
They arrive in the banquet hall. The bride is cutting the cake.
"Delicious."
Off-camera, the director yells, "Cut!" then enters the frame.
"You're hitting 'delicious' a little too hard."
"Gotcha."
"Angel-food's good, though."
"Great."
"Let's go again, people!"
"Hey, one thing"
"Hold everything, people! OK, hit me."
"You think maybe this is a little overscripted? I mean, I make cakes for a living. I'm good at that. Great at that. The boss of that. Can't I just say what comes to me in the moment? It's supposed to be reality, you know?"
"I don't tell you how to put plastic cats in tuxedos on the top of your garish sugar-mountains, you don't tell me how to make great TV. Got it?"
"Got it."
"Let's go again, people!"