If we haven't already established this in the first few Hills Reality Checks, the genius of MTV's grandpa faux-ality series is that producers can spend weeks gently crafting an arc by feeding its stiff stars believable lines ("No, like Holly really has a drinking problem") and patiently directing its talent to stage a Mexican restaurant pre-intervention, but after all of that work, advertisers whose products clearly negate the painstakingly plotted story arc of said episode (such as Bud Light, Jagermeister, and other assorted mixers) fork over monstrous checks and MTV still finds a way to incorporate all of these products into another intervention episode. To see how The Hills expertly combined "Shot! Shot! Shot!" chants with "responsible" views on drinking, join us after the jump for this week's Fake/Real Jackpot.
FAKE: People Are Concerned That Holly Has A Drinking Problem
Call me spoiled-by-reality-show-alcoholism-dramatics, but if a character on a reality show is supposed to have a "drinking problem," especially on a faux-ality show, I'd like to see ambulances, vomiting, real tears, doors slamming, and maybe a few wielded weapons and angry confrontations. Does The Hills not have a larger budget than Real World: Hawaii, when a blitzed Ruthie locked herself in the bathroom to puke up a bottle of rum and then was consequently strapped into a gurney and rushed to the nearest emergency room to have her stomach pumped on camera?
I'm not trying to be insensitive because I am brutally aware of the seriousness of alcoholism and am not licensed to make any kind of addiction assessments. But I do understand that no one is tuning into MTV on Tuesday nights at 10 PM for a few life lessons, especially if they are delivered amongst half-hearted production, ill-staged party scenes, and blatant alcohol advertisements (right: Brody & crew stand behind Bud Light). Come on!
When Holly arrived at Kristin's for the weekly beach party, she skipped the chips and salsa and headed straight from the rum and coke, stating, "Jack [Daniels] is my only true love." Thanks to a little sloppy beach dancing, a few "concerned" sideways glances and some V.O. in which Holly (not slurring at all) said, "Sure, I'll do a shot," the groundwork was carefully staged for another Heidi-hosted "talk."
Despite Heidi's simple assessment that Holly just needed to "Learn how to be confident" and Stephanie's powerhouse line, "Holly, don't bulsh*t a bullsh*tter!" Holly stormed out in tears, ending the latest -- but surely not the last -- intervention.
REAL: Jayde's Pain
We've seen the warnings signs -- the petty arguments, Brody's growing frustration with his Playboy Playmate girlfriend, which we thought peaked when he walked out of the juvenile-themed birthday bash she thoughtfully planned last week. And now, Jayde is coming undone and it is all because of Brody's ex, Kristin.
Last night, Brody mentioned another "beach house party at Kristin's house." Trying to smile through the hurt and her lines, Jayde pointed out that most of the couple's fights are caused by Kristin. Brody, always the improv genius, pointed his finger at his head as if it was a gun and said "Kablooom!" before telling Jayde that any Kristin paranoia was her problem.
At Kristin's later that night (or week, whatever the production schedule allowed), Jayde showed up at the party, intending to surprise Brody. Instead of a hug though, Brody scolded her for not calling beforehand and pushed her away. And then...she drank a bottle of Jagermeister and started crying to a couple random girls about Brody's mistreatment of her. And then Brody walked in on the blathering after "taking a few shots" with his bros, and pointed fingers at Jade for drinking a whole bottle of Jagermeister: "How many times can we mention Jagermeister in this fight? Why? Because you were drinking Jagermeister! And now you're drunk, and you're beautiful and you're on a reality show!" If producers had more time in the day, they probably could have scrapped the Holly-drinking problem storyline and replaced her with the more convincing drunk, Jayde.
Jayde closed out the episode by asking Brody if he had feelings for Kristin, to which he truthfully revealed, "I haven't really explored that yet. I haven't gone down a road and gotten to know Kristin -- again." Credits rolled as Jayde walked out of the room crying. And her tears seemed real.