Classy, Attack of the Clones-surviving ingenue Natalie Portman is everyone's unimpeachable dream girl, but apparently the actress has an inner vegan activist waiting to get out (I blame you for this, Devendra Banhart). In a HuffPo editorial, Portman wrote today about how a read of Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals turned her from a timid vegetarian to an ardent vegan who's not afraid to confront her meat-eating friends. Though such a sentiment might be a little insufferable in a "Williamsburg sliding scale" kind of way, somehow, online pundits have divined from this fairly unremarkable argument that Portman loves rape, or something.
Here's the key passage:
I say that Foer's ethical charge against animal eating is brave because not only is it unpopular, it has also been characterized as unmanly, inconsiderate, and juvenile. But he reminds us that being a man, and a human, takes more thought than just "This is tasty, and that's why I do it." He posits that consideration, as promoted by Michael Pollan in The Omnivore's Dilemma, which has more to do with being polite to your tablemates than sticking to your own ideals, would be absurd if applied to any other belief (e.g., I don't believe in rape, but if it's what it takes to please my dinner hosts, then so be it).
So, despite the fact that Natalie Portman is clearly quoting a Jonathan Safran Foer quote of a Michael Pollan analogy, the following game of blog telephone occurred.
First, Portman's original HuffPo headline:
Then, Jezebel came up with a take:
E! took it from there:
And Oh No They Didn't brought it home:
In conclusion, because Portman is a vegan who's quoting someone else thirdhand, she clearly loves rape, hopes that meat eaters always get raped, and fought hard for the inclusion of a rape subplot in Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. Got it. Nobody tell these people that she signed the Team Polanski letter, OK?
Jonathan Safran Foer's Eating Animals Turned Me Vegan [HuffPo]