Tonight's viewing options leave you no choice but to purchase that beanbag chair and Nerf rifle, because this lineup's pretty family-friendly. Slimer's giant yellow teeth and Glee's giant love of gangster rap may rumple a few petticoats, but otherwise, the coast is clear for the big-wheeled set. No headbutts allowed, Dad!
Modern Family [9 PM, ABC]
Jay and Gloria host a barbecue for their extended family, but a previous incident between their son Manny and cousin Luke Dunphy stirs up hostility within the whole family. This sounds like a case for Cool Dad. Phil steps in, challenges both kids to trampoline basketball, tosses both kids a hundred yards over the fence, and lets them work out their differences as they walk home. Strawberry Quik when everyone gets back.
New Adventures of Old Christine [8 PM, CBS]
CBS drew the short straw today, rolled its eyes, and begrudgingly accepted the obligation to revive the career of a sitcom star. Today's refugee is Will and Grace's Eric McCormack, cast as a therapist from Matthew's (Hamish Linklater) office who has the kinky, we're-not-on-NBC-anymore hots for Christine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus).
Glee [9 PM, Fox]
While rooster-dancing coach Sue Sylvester [Jane Lynch] reveals her softer side, Will [Matthew Morrison] composes a mash-up for a special occasion. Oh, no. Judging by this show's setlist, we can expect a pitch-perfect medley of "I Wanna Sex You Up" and "Cop Killer." Swear words omitted, of course.
Ghostbusters [8 PM, AMC]
I'm sorry we debunked the Bill Murray headbutt tale, because we could've spent the evening scanning tonight's Ghostbusters broadcast for Egon's furtive "Here comes another Venkman face-smash" gulp and Dana Barrett's unfazed "You'll crack right in half skull-slamming me, Peter" pout. As such, we will have to relish the presence of Rick Moranis, who often looks a little noggin-throttled anyway.