We figured Gossip Girl's much-ballyhooed gay kiss would rake in ratings, and -- effeminate sigh -- we were wrong. The scene in question wasn't even a libidinous victory for the fan-fic community; Chuck Bass pulled out of the lip-lock with the acceleration of a flying, Hanna-Barbera-looking werewolf. The full video, plus learned episode analysis, after the jump.
The transmission of precious bro saliva occurred thanks to a scheme set up by Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester), who wanted to speak at an NYU parents event and therefore convinced Chuck (Ed Westwick) to play out a scene with the guy in charge of picking a speaker. Chuck believes her request is part of their relationship's strange incorporation of role-playing, but Blair actually set up the kiss as a favor to the speaker-picking dude, who apparently needed to check "Chuck Bass Kiss" off a scavenger hunt list. And it all happened while Blair looked on! Oh, Bwaldorf. You're the new Hamlet.
Anyway, the kiss barely happens. There's no passion, finesse, or hangtime, which is a microcosm of all Gossip Girl shortcomings and the career of Kim Zmeskal. I expect a saucier dismount next time, gentlemen.