Unlike most cultures, America looks to reality television contestants for stories of hope -- and this season of Top Model is more inspirational than a Tony Robbins-Amy Grant double bill. A bunch of shmodels* from various Rust Belt and California towns are still in the running to be a 5'7" or less model, but it's the slim, symmetrically-featured girls everywhere who are the real winners. We never thought the day would come, but it's finally acceptable to be beautiful and only have slightly above average height.
*Short models.
America's Next Top Model [8 PM, CW]
The nine remaining height-challenged models learn to dance without facial expressions. We're not sure why this is a necessary skill, but it is taught by NY dancer/choreographer Benny Ninja. Later, the girls enjoy a Cirque du Soleil-themed photo shoot (don't they do this every season?). Josie Maran guest judges.
Mercy [8 PM, NBC]
Unfortunately for Mercy, the NBC medical drama premiered a few months after the unbeatable premium cable Nurse Jackie, a masterful series about a head nurse (Edie Falco) and the internal turmoil she suffers while navigating her personal and professional lives and occasionally mentoring a naively optimistic newbie Zooey (Merritt Wever). NBC's nurse show is headed by Veronica Callahan (Taylor Schilling), an Iraq War vet who piles on medical advice, suffers crossfire flashbacks and dodges the network cable version of newbie Zooey, aptly named Chloe (Michelle Trachtenberg). Tonight, Hello Kitty-wearing Chloe tries to gain respect in her workplace by adopting a tough 'tude while a crisis hits the hospital after a nightclub fire.
King of the Crown [9 PM, TLC]
In TLC's latest derivative reality series, pageant expert Cy Frakes and his Gowns and Crowns training business help clients prepare for their beauty competitions. In tonight's episode, a virtuous Southern belle and a sexy bombshell face off in a pageant. Frakes has pitched the show in interviews as having a "lot of humor [mixed in with some] broken heels, broken nails and, of course, broken hearts."
The Wedding Date [8 PM, ABC Family]
Before writing What Happens In Vegas and this weekend's Couples Retreat, Fempire member Dana Fox penned The Wedding Date, a romantic fantasy that combines Dermot Mulroney as an Ivy League-educated escort, Debra Messing as the insecure clientele, picturesque London countryside, docked boat sex and a splash of Michael Bublé.