Last week we re-established that The Hills is fake and rather than waste everyone's time with frame by frame analysis of Spencer's latest insult or Kristin's scripted flirtations, we'll draw your attention to two moments in the episode that ring truest and fakest of the fake. To find out who won the Real/Fake jackpot in last night's episode, join us after the jump.
REAL: Audrina Shops While Confused
Limited by Audrina's growing movie schedule and pre-production meetings for her Mark Burnett reality show, most of the brunette's scenes take place shopping. The producers decide to let her act naturally, that is, perpetually confused, as she and her tattooed sister survey the store's merchandise: "That's like really soft. You always have really soft clothes on."
To glean something/anything from this scene, producers feed Audrina a few lines.
Producer: Audrina who texted you the other day?
Audrina: Lauren --
Producer: No, set it up like I wasn't asking you a question! You've been doing this for how many seasons now?
Audrina: Oh right, 'Guess who I got a text from? Kristin texted me and wants to go to lunch.'
Producer: Now, your line, Audrina's sister.
Audrina's Sister: But then again, what the hell is Justin's deal?
Through some sort of director-talent breakdown, the scene devolves from script reading to expressive eyes, more rack-leafing, general confusion as to what actually is Justin's deal, and one final "dude." The crew, frustrated with the difficulty of "Audrina Scenes" and the diminishing sunlight, decide to cut for the day and use the unusable footage.
FAKE: A Child Willingly Enters Speidi's Den To Play Wii
Last week on the season premiere, you may remember that Heidi no-no-ed one of the houses she and Spencer visited during their whirlwind real-estate tour as being "cold and modern and like, the last thing I want." Cue this week's establishing shot: The aforementioned Hollywood Hills glass fortress that (record scratch), Heidi and Spencer have moved into. No sooner has MTV deposited us into this dungeon of reality misery that Heidi's whining audio track kicks up ("But this house isn't child proof!" "That's why I need a kid, to mature him!" "Spencer just needs to put love into something."), cleverly foreshadowing Speidi's heavily produced story line this week.
To break up the circular arguing, producers deposit a young, hip-looking couple on Speidi's stoop. After their introductions, a kid straight from central casting rolls up on his razor scooter. "Oh," one of the neighbors explains absentmindedly, "This is our nephew, Enzo. He lives with us next door."
A few days (or minutes or weeks later, depending on the production schedule), precocious Enzo is inside Speidi's castle of doom, showing off his Wii skills as Heidi feasts her eyes on the nubile actor and her preferred screen partner. Reading from a cue card offscreen, Heidi offers the finest thespian to grace MTV airwaves a plate of cookies (courtesy of craft services) and cheers him on as he convincingly mimes playing Nintendo. A Hills star is born.