Meredith Vieira put on her hard-hitting, so-many-questions face for interviewee Kate Gosselin on this morning's Today, inquiring about new allegations that the Jon & Kate Plus Eight star's ex Jon has stolen $230,000 from the couple's joint bank account. Now, Kate Gosselin and My Life on the D-List star Kathy Griffin are not just linked through a rib-tickling parody; they now share the dubious honor of splitting from an ATM-plundering beau. In 2007, Griffin's then-husband Matt Moline gradually stole five figures from her bank account, leading to their divorce. For the sake of single ladies with the innocent need for cable-approved companionship, let us discuss the pros and cons of each money-grubbing baggy-jeans connoisseur after the jump.
Love and Theft
Winner: Matt Moline
Matt Moline's secret early morning trips to then-wife Kathy Griffin's bank account yielded him a grand total of $72,000. That's nothing compared to Jon Gosselin's $230,000 operation, which apparently leaves Kate financially unable to fashion her coif into a formal quail. That said, Kate plays like Jon has no rational reason to take the money. She knows damn well those tiger-print hoodies need to be holographic.
Comic Relief
Winner: Matt Moline
While Jon's five-star unintentional humor comes close to tipping the verdict, Matt Moline is more dependable for laughs you feel right about. His My Life on the D-List quip about Tommy Lee punching a wall "with his dick" still trumps anytime that Jon Gosselin mumbled something about being "too young" to have a midlife crisis. Nice try, Jon. Lohan is three years into hers.
Social Skills
Winner: Jon Gosselin
Though Matt can be solicited for a dandy one-liner, Jon's confessional skills evince more off-the-cuff social talent. He also frequents high-falutin' social settings with boulevardiers like Michael Lohan and Jose Canseco. A regular Algonquin roundtable they are.
Spin-Off Potential
Winner: Jon Gosselin
With no disrespect to the more showstopping of computer programmers, it is safe to say that Matt's level of telegenic potential has withered considerably since his time on D-List. Gosselin, meanwhile, seems gleefully unaware that he is a pox on humanity, and that will surely make for a swell six episodes of Jon Minus Dignity.
Ready to Make Nice
Winner: Matt Moline
Kathy Griffin and Kate Gosselin both seem traumatized by relationship fallout, and neither seems close to a civil reunion with their former paramour. That said, Matt Moline never ordered around a cable network or blithely opined on despising his ex. Score the winning point for our part-time nice guy, part-time kleptomaniac Microsoftie.