Meet Ethan Boroian: A Susan Boyle Your Daughter Will Want To Sleep With

The Circle of Instantly-Minted-Pop-Superstar Life renewed itself once again over the weekend when Ethan Boroian -- a 19-year-old Armenian adonis from the suburbs of Chicago, currently studying in Surry, England -- waltzed into Simon Cowell talent competition The X Factor (different from the Idol franchise in that it's a search for telegenic singers with unmistakable star quality, as opposed to a search for star-quality-having pop stars with unmistakably great voices), and promptly proceeded to blow away the judges, the country and the entire world.

So sultry and pitch-perfect was his rendition of Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody," panelist Dannii Minogue declared Boroian a "little superstar -- we need another slice of that." Cowell, cutting short the audition by waving his palms in the air, observed that he "really likes music," a conclusion landed upon thanks to an expert nose for sniffing out music-loving singing-competition contestants, as well as the unmistakably bohemian scarf coiled around Boroian's neck.

And unlike Britain's last singing discovery and runaway internet sensation (the YouTube clip has clocked 276,914 hits and growing), this bushy-browed talent seems quietly ready for the inevitable superstardom barreling his way -- just one of the benefits of the advanced social skills that come along with being a most-likely post-virginal, non-cat-collecting, entirely nonthreatening dreampuppy such as himself. Superstar, minted.