Last night's much-anticipated episode of Larry King Live featured a bow-tied, so-sawwy Chris Brown answering questions about his assault on ex-girlfriend Rihanna. He was accompanied by his mother Joyce Hawkins and lawyer Mark Geragos, who chimed in with the frequency of Ken Jennings on Jeopardy. Throughout his interview, Brown said that the media fiasco was "probably" the worst thing ever to happen to him, and that there's no "book" on love, which I feel was his way of administering an emotional beatdown to Dr. John Gray. Video, and more extemporaneous Chris Brown gems, after the jump.
Full quotes from the interview's official transcript:
"I feel like that just there -- there's -- we're young. We're both young. So nobody taught us how to love one another. Nobody taught us a book on how to -- how to control our emotions or our anger. So it's like -- I just -- I'm not -- I'm not trying to fall on the fact that I'm young. I'm just saying it's -- it's just that -- it's a lot of stuff that I wish I could have -- I wish I could have changed that night."
On the pictures showing Brown and Rihanna on jet-skis at P. Diddy's estate after the assault:
"Well, after the incident, it was like a lot of media frenzy. A lot of stuff going on. I mean, with me and her, it was just like -- just wanted to get away and kind of -- I wouldn't say rekindle our relationship but just build that friendship back up that we had lost briefly with because of the two sides. It was sort of like Romeo and Juliet story, like both sides not wanting us to kind of have contact so we just got away and just wanted to -- and that's the main reason I was on the jet ski. I know I got a lot of flack from that and other people were like, well, why is he on a jet ski, why does he just act like he had no care in the world? Because I was rekindling my relationship with my friend."
You see, it's Romeo and Juliet in the end. Like when Romeo beat up Juliet before the Grammys. Friar Lawrence is played by P. Diddy, whose potion has been replaced with a $5,000 Sea-Doo. Kids!