Heidi Montag Fulfills the Untalent Portion of This Year's Miss Universe Pageant

It usually takes years before an "artist" (the term may be used with unprecedented looseness throughout this article) steals from a peer -- Christina Aguilera waited almost half a decade to mime Madonna's "Frozen" video with the costuming in her "Fighter" clip, and Madonna waited 15 years to plagiarize a Bangladeshi composer for the instrumental to "Frozen." Heidi Montag, screw the nay-sayers, is ahead of the curve! The Hills star's debut performance during last night's Miss Universe Pageant ripped off pop culture history and nearly hampered the winning amble of Miss Venezuela.

Along with the Black Eyed Peas, Sean Kingston, and Flo Rida, Heidi Montag performed a new single amid the carnival of sashes and neon chiffon. Her song "Body Language" sounded mysteriously like a track recording during her rendition, and the choreography was enough to sour even the victorious dancing citizens on Venezuela's Lake Maracaibo. Worst of all, she lifted Britney Spears' nude-colored undergarments from her 2000 Video Music Award performance of "Oops!...I Did It Again" and didn't have the decency to coquettishly sample a Rolling Stones' song at the top of the number. This kind of plagiarizing is for chumps -- ones without the God-given talent of albino-snake-charming and Mickey Mouse Club-approved gyration.