The Teen Choice Awards -- that annual, audience-voted kudosfest that falls somewhere between the Kids' Choice Awards and the People's Choice Awards in prestige and influence (Kids' being the most) -- has once again heeded the will of America's hormonal, drivers' permit-holding underclass. It should come as no surprise then that Twilight dominated the evening, taking 11 trophies (a gold-plated statuette of a winged, nubile female wearing what appears to be a headgear) including movie drama, romance, liplock, rumble, villain, fresh faces (male and female) and soundtrack. But overshadowing that triumph was Kathy Griffin, who brought Levi Johnston as her evening's arm-candy, instantly making her the envy of nobody every Gay in America.
But back to the awards: Stars Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson took both movie drama acting categories, and Pattinson also squeaked ahead in the male hottie horserace. Taylor Lautner, meanwhile, promised fans, "We'll see you guys in theaters November 20th," then slowly lifted his T-shirt, the unveiling of each successive row of ab raising the decibel level in the Gibson Amphitheatre until the first glimpse of wolfboy nipple produced mass basilar skull fractures.
Miley Cyrus took six awards, including comedy TV show, music/dance movie actress and hissy fit for Hannah Montana: The Movie; music single for The Climb and summer song for Before the Storm with the Jonas Brothers. (Ironically, fellow Hissy Fit nominee Hugh Jackman, for his grumpy work in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, threw the mother of all hissy fits when Miley's name was read out, requiring the strength of four security guards to subdue him as he shouted unpleasantries like, "OH PLEAAASE MARY, SHE COULDN'T TANTRUM HER WAY OUT OF A DRY CLEANING BAG!" and "SEE YOU AT THE OSCARS -- YOU'LL MAKE A GREAT SEAT-FILLER!" on his way out the building.)
As for Bristol Palin's ex-fiancé, Johnston happened to be in L.A. for a Vanity Fair photo shoot. After getting her assistants on the phones for a red carpet booking that played out more like a hostage negotiation, Levi's handlers agreed to the pairing. He dutifully stood by Griffin's side all night, in a pin-striped, three-button suit and pink shirt and tie that would earn him the cruel mockery of his teammates on the Wasilla Mighty Platypuses. Asked how he was enjoying the experience, Levi said, "I just, you know, look at her, shut up and do what I'm told."
This kid's going places.
· 'Twilight' sinks fangs into Teen Choice Awards [AP]
· Kathy Griffin takes Bristol Palin's ex, Levi Johnston, to the Teen Choice Awards. Wait, what?! [EW]