Craig Ferguson: Cussin' Puppets, Monologues and Betty White

Craig Ferguson weasled his way into the cold, barren hearts of television critics by sending free pizza to the TCA hotel Saturday night with the jovial note: "I wanted to send you fish and chips -- but that comes wrapped in newspaper -- and you can't find that stuff anymore so enjoy this pizza instead." The food foreplay worked well, warming up the otherwise joyless group for the most intimate panel thus far at the TCA press tour.

Packed into a small press room, Craig Ferguson spoke frankly about being weary of ratings since "Jay Leno was s---canned from NBC" even though he had "the highest numbers." His only chance at surviving the brutal late night pack is to distance himself by "deconstructing" the [late show] format, with the help of "those cussin' puppets" and lengthy, rambling, metaphysical monologues.

In response to a question about the preparation that goes into his cold opens, Ferguson said:

"I don't write it down, I swear I don't [...] Those particular little nugget[s] of fury [are] just there in the moment. I think what just happens, one of the luxuries of doing a television show every night is having an outlet where you can just broadcast your thoughts."

Ferguson continued charming his fans the critics with jokes about his upcoming autobiography ("I'm looking forward to reading it") and dozing off during his interview with James Spader ("He went on fifteen fucking minutes!) Then the Late Late Show host boarded the Betty White fanwagon, declaring her his favorite guest, and promptly vanished in a cloud of white smoke as the critics were directed towards their next feeding.