Last night, Canadian Bachelorette Jillian chose Ed, the conflicted workaholic who left the program only to return a couple weeks later, declaring that he had re-prioritized his life. But if Jason Mesnick's post-Bachelor plight taught us anything, it's that an interminable courtship montage means nothing until the After the Final Rose special.
The finale took place on Big Island, Hawaii where finalists Ed and Kiptyn answered 66 questions from Jillian's Debbie Phelps look-alike mother like "How many kids do you want?" and "Do you believe communication is important to a relationship?" The only difference between her questionnaire and ABC's screening process for The Bachelorette applicants might be the lack of emphasis on speech training. After gracefully dumping Kiptyn and surprise returnee Reid, Jillian accepted Ed's proposal and the two walked off the set and into the sunset together.
Meeting someone on a reality show never guarantees lasting bliss, but if Jillian and Ed do make it to the altar it's because their values align in the three categories paramount to any successful television-spawned relationship: the spotlight, the bedroom and the workplace.
Spotlight: Like a moth to a flame, they both crave the media attention. After Jason trampled Jillian's heart during last season's The Bachelor, she returned to ABC to put herself through the same relationship issues, humiliation and staged dates. Ed left The Bachelorette on his own terms, only to return a few weeks later.
Bedroom: They've already survived the awkward, early in the relationship bedroom mishap. When a sexy hotel room make-out session escalated into heavy petting and then heavy disappointment, we assumed Jillian would immediately dismiss Ed. Her decision to stick by Ed indicates how evolved their relationship is and that if they could survive his first intimate inadequacy, they will be able to handle the many future tense nights when Ed's work-related stress gets the best of his libido.
Workplace: Ed's ability to leave his job temporarily for a reality show and return to it proves a certain level of responsibility or importance to his company that probably translates to a salary in the low sixes. That kind of scratch in Vancouver or Chicago should allow Jillian to easily maintain her thrice-daily mimosa habit and jet set lifestyle while Ed is chained to the desk.
This may not seem like enough to get Jillian and Ed past the engagement party, but it should guarantee America a happy couple at tonight's After the Final Rose special. Regardless of what happens with the marriage, at least Jillian didn't choose Kiptyn. In life, you never choose the first guy out of the limo.