After a painstaking appraisal of a wide and worthy race, we've narrowed down the five best comments of the week. We offer their authors not just the heartiest of congratulations, but also something they'll remember for the rest of their lives -- and possibly well into the hereafter! That's right: A command performance by Michael Jackson Memorial breakout star and Frasier theme song composer Darryl Phinnessee, who'll sing either their choice of any song from the Jackson playbook, or "Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs," with his signature, velvety intensity.
Now let's find out who'll be serenaded:
Gavin Pinton on Jake, Natalie and Tobey Star In Lionsgate's Madea Comes Home From the War: So, if you fought in the war you're a psycho who hates balloons and wants to kill your wife, but if you didn't, you're a loveable loser who gets to find out if Ms. Portman does indeed shave her v for vagina?
Furious D on Guess the Budget For Megan Fox's Demonface in Jennifer's Body: All they did was take the caps off her teeth.
Old No.7 on Scores of Journalists Killed in Shark Week Promotion: No, the worst promo campaign ever by Discovery Channel was for "Deadliest Catch", when they sent out press mailers with a pair of Katherine Heigl's panties inside.
Bourgeois Nerd on Today, the Syfy Channel Makes Hystyry: SciFi or Syfy, they suck, and have sucked for a long time. It's been more "ghost hunters" and "monster of the week" (a la the classic Mansquito) and ECW Wrestling (yes, wrestling) than actual, you know, SCIENCE FICTION! Because they love us nerds for giving them a critical hit in BSG, or a fluffy cashcow like Stargate, but otherwise, it's "Scram, dorks, you're embarrassing us." And the notion that science fiction is inherently like Kryptonite to Teh Wimmenz is such a bunch of bullshit I don't know where to begin.
You know, I thought this was the age of niches, but is it just me or are all cable networks basically just becoming the same mix of reality, procedurals, and cheap crap. They're all trying to appeal to the same "choice" demographics instead of actually mining their core audience.
Also, "syfy" is Polish slang for syphilis.
Mr. Sex on Denzel Washington's Unstoppable Not Living Up to its Name: I think there was some confusion. Maybe Spielberg was looking through Duck Tales slides in his viewfinder toy and exclaimed; Holy shit this would make a sweet movie.
If only Orcci and Kurtzman weren't so afraid to talk to him and realize he wasn't talking about the viewfinder itself.