It takes a special contestant on The Bachelorette to evoke the hatred of every viewer in America while sleazing his way to seven roses. If we've learned anything from Wes Hayden, the unabashed self-promoter with a girl back home, it's that dreams come true, in the form of network airtime promoting your band.
Wes wormed his way into Jillian's heart with his "bad boy, rock star appeal," talent and confidence ("I had a song on my second album that went number one in Chihuahua, Mexico"). Wes played Jillian better than his guitar, deftly alternating playfulness ("I hope that your bike skills are better than your cross-country skiing") with diversion tactics when conversation turned serious ("That bird has no foot!"). Jillian fell for his empty promise to pen a song for her while horrified viewers watched the romance unfold like a slow-motion date-rape. Even host Chris Harrison noted that "you couldn't take your eyes off this Texas-sized dumpster fire."
Viewers flooded the ABC Message Boards last night with heartfelt posts like
"Wes Is a Lying Pig!", "Scum of the Earth Wes," "Boycott Wes CD," "Send Wes to Iraq!" and "Who wants to fly to Texas with me and rip Wes a new one!" The nation's prayers were answered when Wes called Laurel, the mysterious other girl in his life, "my girlfriend" instead of "my ex-girlfriend." It was a fatal Freudian slip that undid weeks of careful deception cost him his eighth rose.
We'll miss you, Wes.