Born to be Wild

While we continue to feel bad for the children of the Gosselin family, we're borderline apoplectic about the intense cross-branding between Jon & Kate and every other major basic cable show. Tonight, it's the Teutuls of American Chopper building Jon a hog and hopefully giving some advice about family unity. Compared to Jon & Kate, those dudes are The Cleavers.

American Chopper [9 PM, TLC]

It's hard to believe that this crossover hasn't happened sooner, given the importance of these two shows to TLC's advertising revenue. Jon bros it out with Paul, Paul Jr. and Mikey at the shop in a rare moment when a client pitches in on a bike. Looking forward, TLC should do super-sized programs involving all of their reality stars (Little People, Big World, Miami Ink) giving advice for life, similar to the way the Food Network has two-hour specials with all their chefs taking viewer questions. I have a number of existential koans for the Say Yes to the Dress producers.

Raising Sextuplets [10 PM, WE]

Downgrading from eight to six kids, this is WE's version of the 'multiple children cause problems' show. Parents Bryan and Jenny Masche have full time jobs in various sectors of the medical industry and three boys (Blake, Cole, Grant) and three girls (Savannah, Molli, Bailey). They seem to be happily married, for now. Also, there must be at least one family in America that has three West Highland white terriers named Savannah, Molli and Bailey.

16 and Pregnant [10 PM, MTV]

If the sextuplets show doesn't swear you off (hetero) intercourse, then this show probably will. Each week, a different teen girl is profiled as they go through the struggles of having a child. The editing seems a little cute, but this is an excellent way for MTV to balance out the carnage over at My Super Sweet 16. Hopefully, middle schools and high school will realize that those old, creepy cautionary videos don't appeal to teens who can make better quality films on iMovie.

Two Mules for Sister Sara [10:30 PM, AMC]

This is a great Western for people who do not like Westerns. Closer to True Lies than True Grit, Clint Eastwood and Shirley MacLaine have palpable sexual chemistry even though his broken down gunfighter can't make nice with MacLaine's nun. Eastwood cites Don Siegel as one of his directorial mentors/inspirations and it is easy to see why. The simply shot action sequences within the straightforward plot (typical mid-19th century anti-French insurgency/espionage) and the attention to character moments (it is mostly Eastwood and MacLaine talking to each other for a couple hours) can be seen in everything Eastwood shoots these days.