Adam Lambert lost to Kris Allen on American Idol last night, but the more important issue is, what does that say about the world we live in now? (Besides the fact that I totally called it?) To debate this heavy question, S.T. VanAirsdale and I argued in a provocative, intermittently capitalized IM exchange. Here, then, are our thoughts on the South, homophobia, and elaborately realized shoulder latticework:
STV: if we accept the voting results at face value (i.e. not influenced by the network/record company), how much do you think his defeat was a reaction of the god-fearing Gokey/Allen crowds to Lambert as a Big Threatening Gay?
KB: some but not all?
like, Kris is a super cute version of many people who are currently pop stars, including last year's Idol
so he's a pretty easy choice
and the number-three guy who was eliminated was definitely drawing a kris-type audience
STV: i really felt like it was a Political Moment
the South Will Rise Again, etc etc
KB: you and everyone on facebook
STV: and not just the south
from which some massive percentage of the votes reportedly emerged
but also the pro-Gokey evangelicals
avenging their boy
it seems like loaded dice
KB: in this scenario, is Kris Allen the film Crash?
Everyone is drawing Prop 8 parallels, but this is so totes Brokeback/Crash to me.
STV: i dunno, maybe?
except that Brokeback had taste
and Adam Lambert wore latticework shoulder accessories and platform boots
KB: i did like the latticework, i must say
does that mean i should go to burning man this year?
STV: latticework is the new black
KB: haha, the umpteenth huffpo editorial on the subject:
"Jim David: Adam Lambert Loses, Homophobia Wins"
people are taking this so hard!
go back and watch Glee on your DVRs, people
STV: of course this whole debate doesn't take into account the very real problem that Adam Lambert CAN'T SING
KB: yes, you've put yourself in the interesting position of defending a singer you don't actually like
STV: can he shriek like a banshee? hell yes
can he command a room? yes
but again, assuming this is a pure democracy and not industry politics, maybe people just voted for the guy they could listen to on the radio
which doesn't explain archuleta losing last year, but hey
KB: well, this is Idol. the music bona fides are not enormous
like, the two singers with Steve Martin were terrible. and yet Idol would have you believe that they are among the top 10 singers they could find in america
they're not even the top two singers i could find in my local karaoke bar
STV: then there's the theory suggesting Idol did Lambert a favor
by not anchoring him to a contract
KB: well, they definitely did him a favor by not releasing his version of the terrible winner's single
but when you think about the music adam's going to make
doesn't that just point out why kris probably won?
i'm sure adam's music will be interesting
throwback glam classic rock
but what is like that on the radio right now?
whereas kris is very john mayer, jason mraz, rob matchbox 20
STV: it's true that Adam is more of an interpreter, for better or worse
but how far can you take that with original music
KB: he'll draw some interesting songwriters to him
i suppose he could be kind of like Muse?
he just doesn't want to veer off too far and become The Darkness
STV: do we want to attribute that kind of credit to American Idol voters?
that this was in fact a victory for art?
that Adam in fact won?
in the long run?
KB: i guess we'll have to see how things take shape
i mean, he got really far. so that's a testament to the same voters who are being derided
if you believe in adam as art
can i just say that EW interviewed him today and this was the exchange:
I want to just get this question out of the way first, something that's been dangling a bit over you for the whole season: Would you like to put to rest all the speculation about your sexuality?
It's not dangling over my head. [Laughing] It may be dangling over yours, but it's not over mine. Yeah, I think speculation keeps things really interesting.
So you don't want to say anything one way or the other?
Like I said, I think speculation keeps things very, very interesting. [Laughs]
KB: ok, first of all, EW
the actual question would be, "Are you gay?"
not, "Hmmm, do you want to even talk about this, maybe?"
Don't be a pussy, EW
second of all, Lambert, come on.
"speculation keeps things very, very interesting"
grow some balls
jesus
we already have a Mika
and we don't really care about him
anyway!
STV: go easy on the guy
it's not as though he can go out and buy nads retail like Bikini Girl buys tits
KB: zing!
STV: anyway indeed
thanks for nothing America
at least we'll always have norman gentle
KB: and you know what else we'll have?
real music
performed by people who wrote it
so go listen to that, america
STV: amen, son