A powerfully hormonal tween voting block has achieved the unthinkable, pushing a quietly unassuming acoustic troubadour from Arkansas to the ultimate American victory, and leaving the heavily favored frontrunner crestfallen, with nothing left to do but mount Kokring, his trusty flying unicorn, and board the bat-shaped rock n' roll spaceship he arrived in on a fame-seeking mission from Planet Glittershadow 9 in the starsystem Gothika. First order of business for the victor: tilting his head down, slowly shifting his puppy gaze upwards, and smiling tenderly and appreciatively at his enormous good fortune. SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!! [EW]