Breathe deep. That's the smell of hope. On last night's Idol nail-biter, Kris Allen -- quiet, cute, dignified, instrument-playing, never-annoying Kris Allen -- was advanced to the finals; Lenscrafter-shilling foregone conclusion Danny Gokey, meanwhile, was shown the curb, where he's currently using his heart-shaped thumbs to hitch a ride back to Milwaukee.
There was an excruciating moment there when you worried it would be a Danny - Kris finale, and that the competition's dog-whistling, breakout gothabilly Adam Lambert would have somehow been squeezed out by peaking too hard and too soon. Luckily, that didn't happen, and as a result this year's Idol finals will actually be something worth tuning in for.
But we've talked enough about Lambert; last night's was Allen's and Allen's alone, and we hate to sound like one of those spotlight-rabid judges, but we're starting to believe he can actually take it all. He hasn't the flash of his opponent, but like a sexually come-of-age David Archuleta, there's something about his humble ascent here from small-town Arkansas boy to superstar that encapsulates the Idol ethos. Of the three, his hometown visit was by far the most emotionally affecting, and I'm both proud and ashamed to admit I actually choked back some Hasselhoffian tears when his father embraced him. Who of us doesn't seek that kind of validation from a parent? And how often does someone realize their dreams so publicly and spectacularly, albeit imprisoned inside the snow globe of artificiality that is the Idol star-making machinery? There's times you want to begrudge them the experience, and times you don't, and Kris was definitely in the latter camp.
Let's relive some of the moments from his homecoming:
A young greeter demonstrates her uncanny ability to unhinge her lower jaw when cheering for her Idol, thereby increasing her scream volume by 20 decibels
When Kris visits a local radio station, it's edited in such a way as to make the big burly DJ taking a phone call from a listener look as though he has lady-nails and garish jewelry. I found that amusing.
Both members of Conway, AK's proud drag community pulled out all the stops for their hero's visit, and even promised Allen a free pedicure and forearm-waxing, redeemable at any time of his choosing.
Worries that Kris's fan base leans too heavily towards young females should be comforted by this shot of a crowd gathered to hear him play. Clearly what he lacks in male fan numbers, he makes up for in their unbridled, boxer-short-flinging enthusiasm.
The Moment™.
In case you missed it: