Sometimes there are movies that are constantly held back from release by cruel distributors, and in that time, they acquire a legend. Every time a release date is set and then yanked, a thousand movie bloggers cry out in agony, sure that they're being deprived of a cult classic. Here's the thing, though: sometimes, the movie in question just isn't that good. It happened a while back with the Mr. Show feature-length spinoff Run Ronnie Run, which was held hostage by New Line for years until it acquired a reputation so outsized that creators David Cross and Bob Odenkirk had to break the news that it wasn't really a film they were that proud of. And it's happening again with the long-, long-delayed Amber Heard horror flick All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. Will general audiences ever see it?
I already have.
And I'm not the only one. Mandy Lane's been released into several other countries despite its beyond-ridiculous handling in the States: the film premiered back at the Toronto Film Festival in 2006, was bought by Dimension for release in 2007, then was swept under the rug and eventually sold to Senator. Now that Senator's taken a bath by investing so heavily in the stillborn Amber Heard flick The Informers (aha, a pattern!), they've pulled Mandy Lane off of its July 17th release date with no explanation. Film bloggers looking forward to the film (directed by Jonathan Levine, who has since shot and released the Josh Peck/Ben Kingsley potsmokeathon The Wackness) are up in arms.
But the movie? Not that good! "The best modern slasher flick since Scream," raved Cinematical's James Rocchi in 2006. Christ, I hope not! Essentially, Mandy Lane is just yet another highly color-saturated horror film where a bunch of kids go away for the weekend and are picked off one by one. The kills are unmemorable. The performers (save for Michael Welch) are negligible. There's no additional wrinkle to the standard "Ten Little Indians"-style plot until the very end, at which point it's all too obvious.
And I'm also pretty sure that Heard's Mandy is mentally handicapped, which puts a damper on that whole "boys loving her" angle. Heard is given about ten words to speak in the entire film; mostly, she just sits there, people look at her, sometimes they hit on her, and very, very occasionally, she'll respond to them as though she just wandered into an improv acting class and is about to shrug and giggle and turn to the audience for help. She makes the lead in Candy look like Marie Curie. In fact, it wasn't until The Pineapple Express that I had any idea what Heard's voice actually sounded like.
So, in short, don't worry that much about it. The movie's no world-beater -- if anything, it's being helped by its incipient legend. Much like Mandy Lane herself, it's alright-looking but so ultimately generic that you could project just about anything onto it -- and if it ever comes out, I've got no doubt people will.
ยท More Wackness: Mandy Lane Gets Dumped? [Slashfilm]