Survivor Introduces Fringe Sex Terms to CBS Family Hour

It's been just a little over five years since CBS dealt with the inappropriately embroidered Super Bowl nipple that cost it record numbers in fines. Last night, though, the network signaled that it was ready for the dawning of a new age: one in which deluded Survivor contestants can talk casually about ass-eating in the 8 o'clock primetime slot.

The Janet, if you will, in this incident? Mendacious braggart "Coach," who (outfitted in a feather-accessorized samurai topknot) told his tribemates a delirious fake story about how he'd been captured by natives during a trip down the Amazon, which they then repeated for Jeff Probst's benefit at tribal council. When an incredulous Probst looked to Coach for confirmation, the self-serious contestant boasted that he had endured life-threatening situations "five, six, seven, eight times" in his life, some of which involved focused attacks by sharks and hurricanes, because of course. And that Amazon native kidnapping? He'd sugarcoated it for the feeble minds of his fellow players, neglecting to mention until now the natives' intense interest in his posterior region, and the frightening, dangerous discussions about "ass eating" that followed. Not since cable news anchors were handed the mirth-inducing gift of angry Republican teagbagger has a simple remark inspired so much suppressed laughter.

Clip is below, starting at 34:52: