· This is a promo for Johnny Depp's upcoming guest-voice appearance on SpongeBob Squarepants that, we're amazed to say, actually ran on Nickelodeon. It will probably fly over your kids' heads, but they really couldn't make it any more obvious how much SpongeBob and friends want to wax Captain Jack's longboard.
· Alas, in the 20 zillion-channel Twitterverse, signals do get crossed. It appears the Michael Bay tweets we've been running in our Twitter Dispatches feed since yesterday are the work of an impostor. So convincing were they, his own webmaster was duped. The director could apparently never whittle his explosive world view into 144 characters or less: "Twitter. Never. What a waste of time."
· Ever wonder what it might feel like to watch a completely unfunny sitcom without the laugh track? It's...um...uncomfortable. (Though we thought we could make out a faint snicker -- probably the writer.)
· To make amends for the embarrassing technical glitch that tagged thousands of their gay-themed books TOTAL SMUT: 4 PERVS ONLY, Amazon.com has released several Queer-friendly Kindles. We've already ordered the Borat Beach-Reading model.
· The Michael Jackson memorabilia auction of the century has been called off, after the singer and Julien's Auction House reached a out-of-court settlement. Alas, you'll just have to admire his custom-pimped Peter Pan electric cart from afar -- which you can do starting today. The entire collection is on display at the former Robinsons-May building in Beverly Hills.